


Mad, Bad and Dangerous to Know

by Cornerofmadness



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Angel Book of Days Challenge, Gen, Season/Series 04, Season/Series 05, Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-08-03
Updated: 2003-08-03
Packaged: 2017-10-30 23:12:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 36,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/337224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cornerofmadness/pseuds/Cornerofmadness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spoilers to end of s4, spec for s5</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Evil_Little_Dog](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evil_Little_Dog/gifts).



_"I tell thee, minstrel, I must weep,_  
Or else this heavy heart will burst;  
For it hath been by sorrow nursed,  
And ached in sleepless silence, long;  
And now 'tis doomed to know the worst,  
And break at once - or yield to song."  
My Soul is Dark - Lord Byron

**CHAPTER ONE**

I have been through so much. I have survived for over two hundred years; more if you count the centuries in Hell. You’d think I’d be smarter. I should be smarter but desperation has a way of draining intelligence. It has been too much for me. My life has never been on an even keel but since Darla waddled back into my life, our son almost done growing in her belly, I have been caught in a maelstrom. One which worsened almost hourly until the tragic, predicable end.

I watched my son slaughter his daughter, Jasmine had sprung full grown like Athena from her mother, with an appetite like Kali Ma. Then I saw Connor slide into insanity, nearly taking me with him. I would have given anything to protect my child, and I did; a verbal agreement to work with Wolfram and Hart. I gave them my friends and myself. In return they gave my son a normal life with a good family. All I had to do I was sign the contract to make it official once I returned from Sunnydale.

Lilah made a huge deal about Wolfram and Hart’s show of good faith in giving me the amulet and erasing Connor from everyone’s memory before the contracts were signed. She seemed almost desperate to make me believe Wolfram and Hart had changed their ways. She even let me go see Connor even though that wasn’t part of the deal.

I went even before taking the amulet to Buffy. That alone proved to me how much Connor ruled my life. I knew how much trouble Buffy was in, the whole world when you got down to it, and I jeopardized it to see my son in his new life. Lilah didn’t wanted to tell me where to find him. She should have stuck to her guns. Letting me see him was a mistake. It was the reason I had the limo drop me off at the hotel and I walked to a park. It was the reason I stopped at a pay phone and called Wes’ to tell him to get to a pay phone and call me back. Wolfram and Hart had bugged us before. Why should things be different now? 

I should be on my way to Sunnydale, riding in like a white knight. For once, Buffy might actually need me to be that for her. Instead, I’m waiting on Wes. I tried to think up reasons for what I was about to ask, ones that Wes would believe. I couldn’t mention my son since I no longer had one. 

The boy I had seen in that house looked and sounded just like Connor, but when he got close enough to the window, his smell was all wrong. He wasn’t even human. Maybe death had rattled Lilah’s memory or maybe she was just too cocky but she underestimated how good a vampire’s sense of smell is. Humans depend far too much on what their eyes tell them. The remarkable simulacrum wasn’t my son so where the hell was Connor? 

I could only guess that Wolfram and Hart had him. How had I been so monumentally naive? Wolfram and Hart had wanted to get their hands on Connor from the beginning and I, like a great fool, had handed him over, stripped of his memories, and helpless. I did not have time to beat myself up. I needed to get to Buffy and I needed to protect my friends from the terrible danger I had just put them in. If Wolfram and Hart had lied about Connor, I was certain they were lying about everything. 

Finally I saw Wes drive up in my car. Wolfram and Hart had found it, miraculously unstripped, and salvaged it. I wondered, now that Connor didn’t exist, who everyone thought Jasmine’s father was. I was disappointed that only Fred was with him. I had hoped that when I had Wes tell everyone to meet me here, that they all would actually do so.

"Angel, what’s wrong? What’s with all the subterfuge?" Wes climbed out of the car.

"We’ve been tricked," I said, simply.

His brow lowered. "What do you mean?"

"By Wolfram and Hart? I knew working for them was a mistake," Fred squealed, grabbing my arm. "How could you just make the decision for us, Angel? What have you done to us?"

"Fred, we all were going to sign," Wes said before I could defend myself. Fred looked like she was about to protest. She averted her eyes guiltily.

"Nothing is final yet," I said. ‘Whatever you do, don’t sign anything. Just make excuses if you have to."

"Are you going to tell us what’s going on?" Wes was getting impatient and given how cryptic I had been, I didn’t blame him. My call obviously had set off the alarms in his head but hadn’t given him enough information to put it in perspective. 

"I think Wolfram and Hart is going to betray us. Don’t ask me how. I’m not sure what their plans are but this deal that sounds too good to be true, is. Where are Gunn and Lorne?" I dreaded the answer.

"Lorne said to take notes," Fred answered. "He was going to get to meet some star he’s been dying to see. We tried to tell him it was important but he said so was this opportunity. Charles said he had things to do at work that couldn’t wait." Fred’s face was sad, and her eyes holding fear and confusion.

"Damn it." Were Gunn and Lorne already lost? It was possible. I should have never involved my friends in this mess but it wasn’t all my doing. Each one of them had snuck out to Wolfram and Hart’s limo willingly. They all had been tempted. "All right, this is between us alone then. Agreed?"

"Of course but are you going to tell us what’s happening?" Wes’ eyes said he wouldn’t stand for more dodging.

"I’m not sure. I have to get to Sunnydale. I have something that will make the difference against the First Evil but I had to warn you first, especially if I don’t come back." What if I don’t survive? Who will protect my son then?

"Don’t talk like that," Fred snapped, her thin body trembling.

"Don’t sign anything. If I don’t get back, run and don’t look back," I said. Fred’s mouth opened again to protest but it snapped shut when she realized I wasn’t being melodramatic. "Fred, I need you to copy all the data you can without raising suspicions. Wes, try to remove the arcane texts."

"All right but I wish I knew why the sudden change of heart." He didn’t like taking that big a risk without me telling him why. I didn’t blame him.

"Trust me on this, Wes. If you see any files on this boy, his name is Connor, copy them." I handed Wes a quick sketch I had made while waiting. Limo cocktail napkins did nothing to enhance my art. "And if he’s in the complex, get him out if you can."

"Connor? Wasn’t that the person you were going to see when you left us in the lobby?" Fred asked.

"Yes. And he wasn’t where he was supposed to be but Wolfram and Hart did their best to convince me otherwise. I think the firm has him prisoner. That’s how I know we’ve been betrayed. I have to go. If I’m not back or have called by dawn tomorrow just go. I probably won’t make it back by this coming dawn."

"Why can’t we tell Charles and Lorne?" Fred demanded to know. "I don’t like keeping secrets."

"Because if they couldn’t tear themselves away from whatever Wolfram and Hart had planned for them then they might already be compromised," I growled, quelling her. I didn’t like upseting Fred but I didn’t have time to argue with her. "Leave them out of it until we know more. I’ve got to get to Sunnydale. I’m losing night. I’ll drop you off home."

"No, just take us to the nearest club district and we’ll get a cab," Wes said.

I nodded, getting behind the wheel. I nearly broke down when I saw the dent in the car’s hood, and smelled the faint trace of blood. I had tossed my own son out a window, done this damage and it was all for nothing. I gathered my wits, dropped off my friends and drove as if the world depended on it to Sunnydale.


	2. Chapter 2

_"When sorrows come,  
they come not single spies,  
but in battalions."_  
Hamlet Act IV, Sc.5. L 86 - William Shakespeare

Seeing Buffy again, just watching her fight, amazed me. For a moment, I forgot all my problems. She was a thing of beauty, deadly and glorious. I missed seeing her do battle so much; I missed the way her body moved. I felt like I’d never left her side. And the kiss was just how I remembered her kisses. There was nothing chaste about it, not by any stretch of the imagination. Lust like waves, so out of place for the time and place, crashed over us but somewhere in the midst of that I caught Spike’s scent.

I hadn’t been able to make it back to L.A. before sunup so I took my shelter in an all day garage. Now, stretched out in the back seat trying to get comfortable, I could think of nothing but our childish behavior afterwards. Maybe it was the stress, or maybe I was still the man who refused to grow up and act my age just like my father claimed all those years ago. I kept thinking about Buffy and Spike, imagining them together, making myself ill. I imaginged what I’d do to him. It made me feel better but it was still childish. We had been like teenagers at a high school dance, with all the maturity of a two-year old.

Connor had acted more mature than me, when he stood beside Cordelia, and talked about being a father. He wanted to grow up. Me, I wanted to prove I was the better choice. I even sat through that stupid speech about cookies just to show I could listen to her needs. The whole time I was thinking, ‘Buffy, this is the best you can come up with?’

It’s almost summer in L.A. and the sluggish breeze trickling in through the garage was uncomfortable warm, even for me. In spite of that distraction, I still couln’t get them all out of my head. Buffy and Spike, a comatose Cordelia, Connor and Jasmine. Praying for sleep, my mind shifted to thought of how I could change things and make them better.

Finally sleep came, and with it, Darla, soft and beautifully dressed in white satin. She curled up on top of me, face to face. She smelled of roses, a fresh clean scent that drove out the residuals of jasmine. Her breath felt warm against my flesh. Breath?

"Our boy is in much pain," she said, touching my cheek softly, like she had so many times in the past.

"I know. I tried to make it better."

"You tried to make him disappear." Her voice was hard, accusatory.

I had no where to go to shield myself from her accusing. I tried to push her off of me but oddly couldn’t. "I wanted him to have a normal life."

"I was there when Connor faced his worst crisis. He was suffering so much." Darla’s voice broke as her eyes squeezed shut. "That bitch was in him, in his mind, making him do terrible things. He was afraid, confused and so alone."

Tears trickled from her eyes and I brushed her hair back. "I don’t understand, Darla."

"Cordelia and the thing within her wanted him to kill a girl to bring herself forth. I tried to stop him. Angel, he hated you so much. How did this happen?"

I shook my head. "It’s so complicated."

"But he loved you, too. He just didn’t know how to find it in himself. I tried to help him. I almost saved him." Darla snuggled against me. "I can save him now. He’s in the white room, Angel. They think he’s safe there, safe from you, but you can rescue him."

"I can," I growled, holding her tight.

"Beware the panther," she said and dissolved as if she had never existed. Wonderful, I was hallucinating again but somehow I knew it was more than that.

I faded in and out after that, something almost unnatural about my exhaustion. The white room, I knew well. I could breach that, but what did ‘beware the panther’ mean? And how would Darla know anything about our son? It didn’t matter. Prophecy dream, hallucination, haunting, whatever, I chose to believe in it.

The sun hadn’t completely set when I finally became fully awake. From the shadows of the garage, I watched it drop from the sky. My phone rang just as I pulled out onto the highway.

"Angel, meet us where we were last night," Wes said and hung up. Either he had found something or something had gone terribly wrong.

I drove hard, listening to the roar of the GTX’s huge engine. Fred and Wes were waiting in the park. They must have cabbed it again since there was no sign of Wes’ SUV. Fred’s eyes were huge; she was obviously terrified of something.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Didn’t you hear?" Fred babbled. "We were so afraid you had been caught in it until Willow called."

"What?" I felt weak. Something bad must have happened in the battle with the First.

"Sunnydale is gone." Wes’ spidery fingers rubbed his dark chin. "Apparnetly a sink hole opened and encompassed all of Sunnydale."

Cold ran through me. They weren’t all gone. Willow had survived to call and tell them I hadn’t been there. Buffy was alive. I knew it. I could feel her. I would know if she were dead. The last time was a fluke. I wasn’t even on earth when she died. But what about Faith?"The First won?"

"No. Willow said it was a very long story. They’ll call again when they’ve rested and tended to the injured." Wes read my mind. "Buffy is fine."

"Angel, tthere’s more. That amulet, it helped, but it killed the wearer," Fred said. "Willow said she was glad it wasn’t you."

"Spike," I mumbled. All I could think was Buffy was alive and she had saved the world. Again. And Spike had gone out a hero. Well, my grandchild always was an attention hound. "And Faith?"

"She made it. We’ll tell you later. Right now, we should pack," Wes said. "Lilah was hovering around us, this afternoon."

"Lorne hasn’t been seen since he went off with that actor." Fred ran a hand through her long hair, her fingers catching in the snarls. "But that could just mean he’s having a good time. You’ve got me so paranoid."

"Gunn is ignoring us," Wes said.

"Flirting with that...that..." Fred sputtered, her pale face darkened.

"You think Lilah suspects something?" I asked, ignoring Fred’s jealous outburst.

"I think she might. She and Gunn were in conference for much of the day and when we tried to speak to him he was too busy for us," Wes replied. There was doubt in his eyes. Gunn could be ignoring them thanks to the sexual tension between him, Fred and Wes; obviously the memory wipe hadn’t erased that, which didn’t surprise me. That had nothing to do with Connor and he was the only thing Wolfram and Hart’s spell had dealt with.

"Wes did manage to break into the intradimensional holding area in the library. He got most of for the texts in the library," Fred said, casting a proud look his way. She could be such a butterfly, our Fred. Connor seemed to be the only male she hadn’t fluttered to.

Wes glanced at her. "I replaced them with phone books, enchanted to appear like the genuine tomes. It won’t fool them for long."

"Good work, Wes," I said.

"I wasn’t so lucky. What I mean is, I didn’t find anything that would be useful to us except for some spyware and a few weapons." Fred shrugged. "I took them."

I nodded. "That’ll be helpful."

"And we found this." Wes pulled out some papers from his back pocket.

I unfolded them and read. That creeping cold returned. If I had a beating heart, it would have frozen. The whole thing had been a set up. Connor’s mental collapse was real enough but the incident in the mall had been orchestrated by Wolfram and Hart. I was reading reports from a group called the Sweepers. They had had my son under surveillance probably from the moment he was born given the amount of paperwork Wes had recovered. It hadn’t ended when things went insane.

Jasmine’s ‘peace and love’ magic that had torn most of L.A. away from their jobs to worship her didn’t seem to be able to sway the sort of demons Wolfram and Hart had employed to spy on Connor. They were relentless and the firm had used that well. I stared at the paperwork, my hands shaking, wondering whyI hadn’t questioned how Connor learned to build bombs or how Cordy had gotten to the mall; how Connor subdued so many people in the first place. Somehow I had wanted to believe he managed to bell all the cats alone with technology he had no way of knowing the first thing about.

Truth was, I didn’t think about anything beyond Connor’s pain. All that had registered with me was my son was coming apart like a jigsaw in a hurricane. The only thing I could remember was hearing him shriek that I hadn’t protected him, how I didn’t try hard enough, how I didn’t hold him tight enough. Those words were more agonizing than my centuries in hell combined, worse even than the look on Buffy’s face when she ran me through.

I had tried so hard when he was a baby but afterwards, damn him for being right. I had thrown my teenaged son into the wilds of L.A., a world he didn’t know how to survive in. Granted, he had tried to kill me. I don’t know how else I could have handled it. Maybe if I had actually taken the time to work with him. But I shunted him aside for Cordelia. Idiot. Now I had given him to those who would do who knew what to him. He was probably suffering, afraid and alone. Did he even know who he was? Did he know I betrayed him?

"Angel," Fred’s voice broke through my introspection.

My head jerked up. How many times had she called my name?

"Angel, who is he?" Wes asked. "Why would Wolfram and Hart keep tabs on this child?"

"To maneuver me into signing on with them," I said. "And I don’t know exactly why they want me working with them but I have some guesses."

"I don’t understand. What is he to you?" Fred asked, her nose wrinkling.

"He’s my son."

I was prepared for the wild stares of disbelief. Rage bubbled up in me suddenly. This was all Wes’ fault. If he hadn’t stolen Connor, if he had only trusted the team to help, my son would still be a baby in my arms and not an anguished teen chasing death with arms wide open. I couldn’t think about that. I needed to concentrate on things I could still change.

"Angel, that’s not possible," Wes said.

"Just listen and don’t interrupt. I know what I’m going to tell you sounds impossible but it’s true. A spell has removed part of your memory."

I let the story of the last year spill out of me. They stayed very quiet throughout its telling, simply staring at me, sifting the kernels of my story questioning my sanity.

"Angel, that’s a little much," Fred finally said.

"I know. What’s important is finding Connor and a way around Wolfram and Hart. They have him, and he’s at risk. But I think I know where he is."

"You do?" Fred looked irritated I hadn’t said so before. I could understand that. All of ours nerves were more than a little frayed. She pushed a stray strand of hair back. She had it pulled back in her usual way. It was too tight; it gave her a rattish look.

"I do but if we free him, we need to leave town so we need a plan before we snatch him," I replied.

"Are you thinking of leaving L.A?" Wes’ blue eyes were wide with disbelief as if he never considered I would run from a fight.

"Out of state."

"We’re running?" Fred took a few steps back in shock; like Wes she must have been expecting us to take the fight to Wolfram and Hart’s door just like always.

"Strategic withdrawal. Wolfram and Hart has too many resources here," I said. "And I want Cordelia out of here. Wes, I know the Council is in ruins but there are other holdings besides London, ones that might still be standing."

"Yes. Are you thinking of turning Cordy over to them?"

I nodded. "Magic damaged her. Maybe magic can help her. I know the Council owes us no favors and I don’t trust their motives any more than I do Wolfram and Hart’s but at least they’re on the side of good."

"I’ll call Giles. He might have ideas," Wes replied.

"Good. Giles is ideal. I trust him and he cared about Cordelia." Or at least I thought he had since she had been part of Buffy’s group more or less.

"I’ll call him first thing," Wes said, then clucked his tongue. "Truly? A son, Angel?"

"I think I might have some proof back at the hotel...maybe," I said, heading for my car. "Let’s go."

"Wait." Fred pulled a device out of her pocket. She ran it over the car. It squealed. Fred took out a little pen knife from her purse and dug a metallic thing out of one of the seats. "A bug," she said proudly.

"More proof that all is not as it seems with our new partners," Wes said.

"I hate this," I snarled. "I got us into this by being stupid."

"What’s done is done. We’ve all made huge mistakes. I obviously made one beyond belief if what you’ve said about Connor is true," Wes said evenly.

"It’s true," I snapped, not looking at him. "Any more bugs, Fred?"

"No, at least not ones this can detect," she said, climbing into my car.

Once we were on the road, Wes looked at me. "Where will we go?"

"I’m not sure yet. Tell me what happened in Sunnydale."

I knew I had more important things to consider, like how to get into the White Room but the fact Sunnydale had been erased from the face of the planet. That was pretty significant. I listened in shock to Wes’ retelling of Buffy’s plan, what little Willow had told him. I wondered briefly if splitting the power between all the Potentials had weakened all the Slayers. Obviously not enough to keep them from winning.

But what curdled inside me was the thought, that if I hadn’t given the amulet over, if I had done what I wanted to, I would be the dead one. My son would be defenseless. Oddly enough, I think both Buffy and I knew that whoever wore that amulet was going to die. I had been willing to do that to save the world, to save Buffy. No, that’s a lie. I wanted to die because I wasn’t sure I could face a world without my son. He had brought me nothing but grief and pain and I didn’t care.

And somehow I knew Spike was aware of the sacrifice he was going to make; that he did so willingly was a shock. Spike had never been selfless a day in his life. How things have changed. I guess the question became, did Buffy really want me to ready the second wave, which I had failed to do. What could I do hiding from the sun inside my car? Of course, Buffy hadn’t let me in on her plan. She had just told me to be the second wave. So was having me as a fall back really the plan, or had Buffy made a conscious choice as to which of us she wanted to live? I could drive myself insane thinking like this.

"Angel," Wes was saying. "Do you want me to try and plot out a place for us to go?"

"Have ideas ready."

"I could rent us an RV," Fred said.

"No," Wes argued. "Plane."

"I can’t go on a plane. If something goes wrong and we don’t land at night, I’m cooked," I said.

"Not if you’re in a coffin in the cargo section," Wes said. "I have a death certificate on the computer ready ever since you first invited me to join Angel Investigations. It’s waiting for your date of death in anticipation we might need to go ‘home’ to wherever to bury you."

I gave him a curious look. "You do?"

He nodded. "Ready for anything or at least I like to pretend I am," he said bitterly. "If we have to get out of L.A. quickly, a plane would be better. Wolfram and Hart won’t be expecting it. We can rent an RV at the other end and do a better job of disappearing."

"I like that," I said.

"How about Texas? I know it pretty well," Fred said then shrugged. "Well, at least some of it."

"No, they know you’re from there. I don’t want to endanger your parents just in case. It’d be safer to go where we have no ties at all," I said.

"Wise idea," Wes replied.

"And Fred, do you think it’s possible to get tranquilizers, a lot of them."

"There’re plenty in the lab. Why?"

"Connor may be insane." I hated saying it but I knew it could be true. I had driven enough people mad to know. I had seen the torment in my son’s eyes, the hollowness, the fragility. It might have been temporary or he might be like Dru and remain so for the rest of his life, which would be short. I couldn’t let him live like that.

"Is he dangerous, Angel?" Wes asked.

"He’s quick. He’s as strong as me and he’s deadly. I’ve lost fights with him. So we have to be prepared to keep him sedated," I said. They didn’t argue.

The hotel appeared undisturbed when we arrived. We talked nonsense while Fred slowly scanned the lobby, our offices and our rooms. No bugs, at least not yet. I was starving. I dragged myself into the kitchen, heated up some blood then headed upstairs. Partly to prove my story, partly to punish myself, I found the box of Connor’s baby clothes, his crib and a picture of Cordelia holding him. I called them up to look at this meger proof of my son’s existence. I wondered what the spell made them think this stuff was.

"I’ve never seen any of this before," Wes said. "Was it left over with the hotel?"

That answered that question. "No, I bought it for Connor."

"And that’s him with Cordy?" Fred pointed at the picture. "I thought that was a cousin of hers."

"Have you ever heard Cordy talk about her family?" I asked.

"Other than her father and his lost fortune? No," Wes admitted.

"Exactly."

"I saw this in my room when I was checking for bugs." Fred held out a picture frame. The sleek metal encased a picture of her and Gunn on the boardwalk. Connor was between them. "We were out for a day of fun when someone snapped that picture and tried to sell it to us. I can’t tell you why we bought it or who that kid is."

Loopholes in the spell. Why the hell didn’t I ever consider that when I asked for it? "Connor probably had never seen a camera before. That’s him."

"You said you know where he might be. How? Where?" Wes fidgeted impatiently.

I headed out of the room, and returned downstairs. "In the White Room. Don’t ask how I know. You’ll think I’m more insane than you probably already do."

Before they could respond, the front door opened and Lorne dragged in. He looked like he was going off a three day bender. Then again, he just might be hung over. He collapsed on the couch dramatically.

"What a wonderful two days," he said, as he reclined on the couch. "I think I’ll sleep for a week." When none of us said anything, he pulled himself together and looked at us with puffy eyes. For a moment I was reminded of Doyle after one of his monumental nights. "What is it?"

"You mean besides a town falling into a hellmouth?" I asked. "Where were you?"

"Don’t get all uptight, Angelcakes," he breezed. Then his eyes narrowed.. "Hellmouth?"

"Sunnydale’s gone. And I needed your help yesterday but you couldn’t be bothered," I said, no forgiveness in my tone. He should have helped when asked, not take off to play with the stars.

Lorne got to his feet, anger making the green of his face pale out to a sickly shade. "I wasn’t going to get another opportunity like that. He was going to be in Europe for months shooting his new film."

"Fred told you this was important."

"Well, I’m sorry. Fred didn’t say what it was, just that you wanted us to meet you," Lorne said defensively.

"You didn’t sign any contracts did you, Lorne?" Fred blurted out.

"No. Lilah was asking me to make it all official but the yacht was going to leave without me. So I told her I’d do it when I got back. Then the yacht broke down, not that we really noticed. We were having too much of a good time," Lorne said. "What’s going on?"

"Don’t sign anything Wolfram and Hart gives you," I said.

"Angel pie what are you talking about? This is a chance of a life time. Why wouldn’t I sign?"

"Because the contracts tend to run even after you die. They can’t be destroyed. I know I tried destroying Lilah’s," Wes said, shocking me. I wondered how he had hooked up with Lilah in this new history. Of course, Lilah could have altered Wes’ memories of her just to be contrary. "It’s beginning to look like Wolfram and Hart lied to us. They’re spying on Angel and we don’t want to end up sharing Lilah’s hell now do we?"

Lorne sagged back onto the couch. "We were scammed?"

"Oh, I’m sure they’ll give us everything they promised," I said, deciding to trust Lorne. "But the price is too high. Fred, could you bring Lorne up to speed. Then start packing. Wes, we have to plan a travel route and figure out a way into a certain room."

I decided not to mention the actual location in front of Lorne just in case he was actually still on Wolfram and Hart’s side. I shut the door to my office and Wes placed a call to Giles, rousting the poor man from his sleep. Once we told him about Cordelia, sleep was the least of his concerns. Neither Buffy nor Faith were there but Dawn promised to tell them congratulations for me. I listened to Wes’ ideas for a travel route and tried to think of some of my own. I wouldn’t be able to rescue my son until this time tomorrow if I was lucky. I just hoped he could hold out until then.


	3. Chapter 3

_"It is extreme evil to depart  
from the company of the living before you die."_  
De Tranquilitate Animi. 2 - Seneca

Somehow I managed to sleep comfortably, in my bed this time. We all had clothing packed and an entire trunk of weaponry ready to go. Wes assured me that he could ensorcell it enough to look benign on X-ray when we caught our plane. We had already boosted a coffin and somehow Lorne found a hearse. I didn’t want to know how. I was dead asleep, beyond exhausted, when Fred rapped on the bedroom door.

"Angel, we have company," she called though the door. She didn’t sound upset or frightened.

"All right, I’ll be right down." I was surprised. I figured it had to be Giles but they got here faster than I thought. I dressed quickly. I hesitated a moment on the stairs when I saw Giles, Xander Dawn and Faith standing there in the lobby, ringing by Wes, Fred and Lorne. Exhaustion roiled off them in waves. Faith and Dawn’s eyes were glassy and red. Dawn stared at Lorne curiously. Xander had an eye patch. Had he lost an eye? I felt momentarily sorry for him. Giles seemed old, worn out. "Giles, I didn’t expect you so soon. Thank you for coming, all of you," I said then went over to Xander. "I’m sorry about Anya."

"Thanks," he mumbled, looking too dazed to figure out if taking condolences from me was okay or not.

"Wes said you could use our help," Faith said, flashing me a quick smile.

"You have no idea. Sit down and we’ll tell you about it. Can I get you anything to drink or eat?" I asked as Dawn gave me a quick hug. I hugged her back. For a ludicrous moment I wanted to take her with me when I got Connor. She was his age. He hadn’t ever had someone his own age to talk to. He needed that.

They wanted nothing and after they told us about the First and the big battle and where Buffy was now, we told them how Cordelia ended up in a coma, leaving out the fact Connor fathered her child. I didn’t want to over complicate the story. I explained Connor away as an important hostage. To make sure both Connor and Cordy were safe, we wanted to make the rescues as simultaneous as possible. I was afraid if we liberated one first Wolfram and Hart would hurt the other before we could get to them.

"There’s a small branch of Watchers in Pittsburgh," Giles said after we finished our explanations. He shifted, trying to get comfortable on that weird round couch where he and Xander were sitting. "They have doctors and mages who might be able to help."

"All the way across the country, that should be safe, right?" Dawn stretched her legs out. She had to sit on the floor with Faith. There really wasn’t good seating in our offices.

"As safe as it can be," I replied. "And you can get her there, Giles?"

"We were heading to Cleveland to the other Hellmouth. Pittsburgh is only a few hours further east. It’ll be no trouble to take Cordelia." Giles paused, casting a rather sad look at Dawn and Xander. It became clear quickly why he seemed a little sorrowful. "I planned on joining those Watchers eventfully. We need a base of operation in America as the Council rebuilds and we have to find all the new Slayers. This isn’t going to be easy, especially if the power went to young girls. I have no idea how we’ll convince all the parents of what happened."

Dawn almost popped up but Faith held her down. I heard her mutter Giles couldn’t leave them again.

"And we’d help you if we could," I said, trying to ignore the fact Dawn was upset over the idea of Giles leaving. "Wes, if you want to help Giles with that, I’ll understand." Part of me wanted him to go so I wouldn’t have to look at him and think ‘you’re the reason I never truly got my son back.’ But the bigger part of me remembered Wes had been a good friend and ally and I needed him.

Wes shook his head, relaxing back in the reception desk’s chair. "My place is here. Maybe later, if they want me back I might consider it."

"What I do not understand is why this law firm has kidnapped a boy." Giles took his glasses off for a polish.

"Can you just trust us that he’s in danger? It’s a very long story that I’m more than willing to tell you when he’s safe. I know it’s a lot to take on faith. Connor has something Wolfram and Hart wants and they will hurt him to get it." I didn’t doubt they’d hurt him. They were probably experimenting on him or brainwashing him as a general for their future Armageddon.

"We said we’d help," Xander said, a sulky look on his face as if he were angry I didn’t trust them to do for us.

"And I appreciate it. Believe me." I paced around the lobby, wanting to get moving. The inaction was grating on my nerves.

"So how are we going to do this? No offense, but I don’t think you’re going to be helpful when it comes to busting Cordelia out of that nursing home." Xander waved a hand at Lorne who scowled from his seat on the stairs.

"I’d do anything for my pixie cat," Lorne replied, straightening his purple lapels. "But you’re right. I’ll be keeping Lilah distracted at Wolfram and Hart until Angel can reach the white room."

"So how are we working this?" Faith reiterated Xander’s question since we hadn’t exactly answered it.

"Our plan," Wes said, "is for me to go in and remove Cordelia from the home. I’ll have paperwork with Wolfram and Hart’s letterhead saying I’m her legal guardian. The nursing home shouldn’t question it. Fred will help me. Angel will break into the white room and rescue Connor."

"I can’t help but notice we’re not involved in any of this," Faith said, her lips turning down into an impatient frown.

"I don’t want to endanger anyone," I said, pausing in my pacing. "You’re all tired. I don’t want to risk you. I needed you here to make sure Cordelia is safe once she’s out of the home."

"You need my help, Angel, if you’re breaking into Wolfram and Hart," Faith argued, getting up and stalking over to me. "I’m not too tired and I owe you."

I nodded, gratefully. "Faith, at this point with what you did to help with the Beast and..." I hated to even think about it. I was just glad they stopped me before I did anything too horrible. "With Angelus, we’re even. And I’d be grateful for the help."

"So you really don’t need us to do anything else?" Dawn looked almost disappointed.

"Believe me, caring for Cordelia is enough," Wes said. "She is totally comatose. She needs complete care. You’ll need to get her to Pittsburgh quickly. Cordy is catheterized and they’re feeding her with IV’s until they could get a feeding tube in her. That will need to be done soon." Wes looked at Giles. "I wanted to ask you for permission to fake Wolfram and Hart paperwork for you as well, Rupert, if hospitalization is needed before you can get her to the Council’s doctors. It’ll help if a legal guardian travels with her."

"Yes, of course. I didn’t realize it was so bad," Giles said. "Once we’re away from here I’ll see about flying her out east. I’m not sure she’ll survive otherwise."

"We’re just hoping you will find a way to make sure this isn’t permanent for her," I said.

"We’ll do our best. Xander, Dawn and I will take Cordelia away from here immediately," Giles said. "Faith will be staying with you."

I turned to Faith, shocked. "Are you sure? Wouldn’t you be better off helping Buffy and Giles with all that will need to be done with the new Slayers?"

Faith slung her hair back. "I’m not a teacher, Angel. I’m a doer."

"You did an admirable job with the Potentials, Faith," Giles corrected her and she glanced away embarrassed.

"Better than we thought you would," Xander added unapologetically but Faith didn’t seem offended. She knew she had a lot of work to regain anyone’s trust.

"And I’m still a fugitive from justice," Faith said. "I’m a danger to Giles and the others. I’m better off here with you, Angel."

"I can use your help, Faith," I replied, stuffing my hands in my pockets as I started up my pacing again. "I have no idea what I might be walking into once I breach the white room. It appears to be a nexus to other intradimensional holding cells."

"And I might be able to help you, Faith. If Dawn wants to take my place with Wes getting Cordy’s stuff packed up and ready to travel," Fred said, bouncing off the desk where she had been perched.

"Of course I will." Dawn’s face lit up happy to have something to do.

"What do you have in mind, Fred?" I asked, uncomfortable with risking Buffy’s sister. Then again, Buffy has allowed Dawn to do this so I shouldn’t worry too much.

"I think I can use Wolfram and Hart’s resources to make it look like Faith’s been paroled or was released early. I should be able to make it so they’re no longer looking for you, Faith," Fred said, perkily. Faith went loose limbed, shocked or relieved or maybe both.

"Thank you," she said. She looked like she wanted to ask, ‘why?’

"Thanks, Fred," I said. "Can you go now and try that before Wes and Dawn get Cordy? We’re not going to have much time to do this. It can’t wait for night fall since the nursing home won’t do business after five."

"I’ll go now. Where should we meet since we’ll all be separated?" Fred asked.

"Right back here. We already have everything ready to go. Lorne, give everyone their plane tickets before we go just in case we can’t make it back here. Wes has my death certificate and the coffin is already loaded in the hearse."

"I don’t like not having Charles in on this," Fred fretted.

"We haven’t been able to find him, Fred," I said. "We have a ticket for him. It’s the best we can do."

The look in her eye said she didn’t believe me and I didn’t blame her. I didn’t believe it much either. We could have tried harder. I just had a very bad feeling about Gunn. That little voice that had saved me more times than I could count over the centuries said to be wary of him. I didn’t like hearing it in regards to, if not a friend, then at least a trusted comrade. Fred just nodded and headed out.

"Giles, how are you getting Cordelia out of here?" I asked.

"School bus. I know it’s hardly discrete but there were too many of us, with all the Potentials, for something more conventional. Buffy is supposed to be renting an RV for the cross country trip," he replied.

"Thank you, all of you, for this." I circled back, putting a hand on Giles’ shoulder. "And Giles, if we’re not back here by dawn, just go."

"Understood. Good luck, Angel."

"Thanks. Faith, come on, I’ll tell you as much as I can about the white room."

* * *

We gave Fred some time to do her thing, hoping no one would notice. She called as I was making my way though the sewers to the firm. Faith was going to meet me there with a car so we could get Connor out quickly. Fred had succeeded but she hadn’t seen Gunn. She was on her way back to the hotel.

I managed to get into the firm easily enough. No one questioned me but I didn’t expect they would. If anyone recognized me as their new boss, they’d know I had a UV proof office. I tried to be inconspicuous. I should have left the leather duster behind. I didn’t know where Faith was. We were playing it loose. I kept to the shadows in the lobby until I caught her scent. I tracked it to a woman with red hair. She turned and smirked at me. Her dark eyebrows didn’t go with the hair but I didn’t recognized Faith at a quick glance.

"I’m not sure why Cordy had wigs but she did, so I figured why not?" Faith shrugged.

"I think that was something she got for an audition or something." My brow wrinkled. "Why were you poking around in Cordy’s room?"

"Dawn wanted to help find stuff that Cordy might want with her when she wakes up."

That was sweet. Dawn could be that occasionally but I mostly remembered her as the bratty little sister.. I was surprised to see Faith had that touch of gentleness especially since there was no love lost between Faith and Cordy. "Good, let’s do this."

I led Faith to the elevator, pulling her once behind a large bushy tree as Lorne sailed by, arm linked with Lilah. He seemed to be making good on his promise to keep her distracted. I hated thinking I couldn’t trust him any more so this made me feel better. I got into the elevator after having to wait three times to get it to myself and Faith.

"Now what?" she asked.

"I have to remember the right sequence to take us to the white room," I said, staring at the buttons.

"Can you?"

"I have an photographic memory," I replied, remembering the last time I tried this. I recalled hearing joy in my son’s voice at my momentary lapse of memory or worse, his willful hard headedness and smug pleasure about the differences between me and zombies. I liked hearing his happiness even if it was at my expense.

"Didn’t you say the evil little girl that guarded this place was killed by the Beast?" Faith slouched against the elevator wall.

"Yes." I punched the sequence in.

"So what are the chances it’s unguarded now?"

The door opened and Gunn was in the middle of the white room. I could almost hear Faith’s heart drop. I had gotten the impression that she had liked Gunn and I could see she was thinking what I was. This was why Gunn had been incognito.

"What are you doing here Angel?" Gunn’s stance was entirely defensive.

"I was about to ask you the same thing, Gunn." I stepped into the white room. "We’ve been looking for you."

"Not very hard," he said, his dark eyes roving over to Faith. "So you survived the hellmouth."

"Looks like," Faith said, running away from me, putting distance between us, anticipating the fight.

"Is this what they promised you, Gunn? Being imprisoned in here?" I asked.

His grin left me cold. There was something other than Gunn behind his eyes. "No, it was something you wouldn’t understand. You’ve been too busy running from your power."

If I needed anything more to tell me Gunn was lost to us, that was it. "All I want is the boy, Gunn. He’s here."

"Lilah said you might come for him before he was done healing," Gunn said. "What’s he to you?"

I shook my head. "Doesn’t matter."

"No, I guess it doesn’t."

Gunn ran at me and I was expecting a stake or something since he had to know he couldn’t take me or Faith unarmed. He leapt up in the air, dodging around a column of light that I had presumed was the nexus. His jump was too acrobatic for Gunn. When he landed, ‘beware the panther,’ suddenly made sense. I really had seen Darla in some kind of portent. Claws sprouted from his fingers. His jaw had gotten heavier. Strong fangs peeking out from his lips. His eyes went yellow with slit pupils. A fine dark fur had sprouted all over his exposed skin.

"What did they do to you?" I whispered, too stunned to move.

"They believed in me."

He slashed at me. I felt claws tearing through the flesh of my chest, not deep but painful. I didn’t pull my punch. I assumed he was stronger now but I didn’t want to kill him. There was a chance that I could undo what had been done to him, even if he wasn’t really wanting my help. I couldn’t just stand by and lose him this way. The Gunn I knew wouldn’t want to be part demon. The punch laid him out flat. Faith made a try for the pillar of light. It bounced her back on her butt.

"Did you think it would be that easy?" Gunn sneered getting to his feet.

"Worth a try," Faith shrugged. "So you let them turn you into a monster?"

Gunn lunged at her and Faith barely managed to avoid his claws. "You say monster; I say released my full potential."

Faith kicked him, knocking him back to me. My fist sent him sprawling. Unlike Faith, Gunn slid right through the beam of light and I understood what else they had done to him.

"How did we not believe in you?" I asked.

"All you saw was a strong back. As long as I was there with the ‘yasmassa’s’ and ‘nomassa’s’ you were happy. Never once did you think I was capable of doing the brain work." Gunn gathered himself up to charge again.

I could smell his blood and it was changed, not entirely human any more. "That isn’t true."

All that did was make him angrier. He bowled me over. I planted my foot in his gut launching him into the wall but not without losing skin.

He shook off the blow. "Like hell it’s not. Who did Fred turn to every time she needed extra help with the book work? Sure as hell not me. Wes, that’s who. Even when he wasn’t with us any more, she called him. None of you believed in me."

"You’re pathetic," Faith said and Gunn whirled to face her. "Just when I think all men aren’t retarded, I get proof none of you think past your dicks. You’re so scared you’re going to lose the Stick to Wes you let the law firm of ultimate evil diddle with you. Worse, they didn’t make you brain guy. They made you the thing you didn’t want to be, Mr. Muscle. And people wonder why I’m not interested in more than one night stands. Men are stupider than a cucumber and half the time not as talented."

She caught Gunn’s charge with a flying round house kick. It connected solidly with his chin and he dropped so fast I was afraid she broke his neck.

"Idiot," she said as I went to feel for a pulse. Unconscious, Gunn’s form reverted to human.

"Men certainly can be," I admitted. "Especially over a woman."

Faith leaned against the pillar of light, pushing. "No kidding. Now what?"

"Stand back." I slid Gunn into the light. Faith put a hand against the column and it passed through.

"What the hell?"

"They’ve made Gunn into the doorman," I said. "Stay here, Faith and make sure he stays right where he’s at or I could end up trapped."

"How do you know that Connor is through there?"

"I don’t but I have to try."

I didn’t give Faith a chance to protest. I stepped into the nexus. When I came out on the other side I was in another dimension and it was thankfully night. I had been so much in a rush to reach my son I hadn’t thought it through. I was expecting a holding pen not a forest. It smelled wonderful, like deep pines, vanilla and coffee. More importantly, I could scent Connor.

The nexus was still in sight when I found him. He was naked, lying on what looked like giant ivy leaves. A tendril snaked into his mouth. A purplish flower curled up over his head, the petals resting over his long nose. Connor looked like he was asleep and peaceful for the first time I had ever seen. A preposterous image flashed in my head. This looked like those honey sweet Anne Geddes Christmas cards Fred bought last year. Something like little butterflies were fluttering around him.

As I got near him, the flower moved and a cloud of spores or something poured out of it. The butterfly creatures dropped from the sky either dead or asleep. Just as well I don’t breathe. As I reached for Connor, a tendril lashed out, wrapping around my arm. It had thorns. I grabbed it and tore it free from the plant, if it was indeed a plant. I caught Connor’s arms and dragged my son up. His body was pierced in a few places by the tendrils. Healing, Gunn had said something about Wolfram and Hart healing Connor. Was plant healing him or eating him alive? I had to risk it. I grabbed the tendril that went into his mouth and carefully tried to extract it.

The plant wrapped tendrils around my legs, pulling them out from under me. I landed on Connor and he didn’t make a sound. I took out my knife from my jacket and slashed through them. The leaves Connor had been lying on started jerking and the flower made more clouds of poison. I slit it off, too. I finished pulling the tendril out of his mouth. Connor gagged and drooled as the thing came free, streaked with blood. Please, let me not have hurt him too badly.

Once that was free the other tendrils pulled out of Connor on their own. The holes in him barely bled. I got up and scooped him up in my arms. His eyes stayed shut and his head flopped back like the rag dolls I used to get Dru when I got tired of her busting up the expensive porcelain ones. I ran through the nexus and nearly trampled Faith and Gunn. She caught me before I ended up falling over and on top of poor Connor again.

"You got him." She raised an eyebrow. "And he’s naked."

"He might need a doctor, too," I said, seeing the streamer of drool trickling from the corner of his mouth was pink with blood.

"What about Gunn?" she asked.

I looked at my fallen friend. "It’s too risky to take him now. I don’t know what he’s capable of and he’s with Wolfram and Hart. We’ll have to figure out a way to help him later."

Faith didn’t argue. She headed for the door, opening it for me. Her eyes widened. "Angel, watch out."

She shoved me aside since my arms were full. Gunn had regained consciousness but he was unsteady on his feet. She hit him once and put him down. She ran for me and I ran into the elevator. It was hard to watch those doors close on Gunn. I wanted to help him. I just didn’t know how. The elevator started to descend and Faith hit the stop button.

"What are you doing, Faith? We have to get out of here," I said.

"You plan on carrying a naked boy through the lobby?" She put her fists against her hip bones.

I glanced down at my son. "Um, I guess not."

She held out her arms and I draped Connor in them. I shrugged out of my jacket.

"So, who is he really, Angel?"

"My son."

Her head snapped up, her eyes locking with mine. "What?"

"It’s a very long story. It’s why I didn’t want to get into it with Giles."

She looked Connor over. "Are you sure he’s yours?"

I pouted as I pulled my jacket around him. "You don’t think he looks like me?"

"Not in the least," she said, juggling her hold on him while I fussed with the jacket. She put her finger under the head of his penis, lifting it a bit. "But if Buffy was lucky, you two have this in common."

I slapped her hand. "Stop that."

She laughed as I started the elevator again but it died quickly. "Um Angel, he’s waking up."

Connor went from unconscious to wide awake quickly. He started screaming and thrashing. Faith lost her grip on him and he crashed to the floor. He kicked and yelled wordlessly. Faith jumped on him trying to hold him down.

"Damn, he’s strong," she said. "Definitely not your average boy."

I ignored her, grabbing him in a choke hold. I carefully cut off my child’s air supply and when he was unconscious, I gathered him back up to me. "We’re going straight to the sewer. I’ll go five blocks south. You get the car and meet me there."

Connor stayed unconscious as I slogged through the sewer. Faith had gotten a police interceptor somewhere, a retired one since it had been stripped of its lights and cage. She grinned as I put my son in the back seat.

"Where did you get this?" I asked getting in.

"A used car lot. Listen to the engine."

The huge engine of the one-time police car roared. It would have ensured an escape against most vehicles but we weren’t chased. Gunn must not have had time to warn them. When we got home, Giles had already left with Xander, Dawn and Cordelia. I was glad he was already on his way to safety with her but part of me was sad I didn’t get to say good bye to my best friend. I only hoped they could help her. I had to cut off Connor’s air once more on the way home. I’m not sure what he was seeing and fighting but I didn’t think it was me. I think he was lost somewhere in his nightmares, my poor son. We didn’t waste any time; Connor seemed to be healing so there was no need for a doctor. I patched up the wounds I could see. Fred drugged Connor heavily then we dressed him in some of Wes’ clothes. I told them about Gunn as Wes held a wailing Fred. I promised her once we were safe we would try to think of a way to help him.

In the end, she knew we could do nothing more than move on. I got into my coffin and trusted my friends to do the rest.


	4. Chapter 4

_"Let me put aside  
every desire, every relationship  
except this one, so that my heart grows used to  
its farthest spaces. Better that it live  
fully aware, in the terror of its stars, than  
as if protected, soothed by what is near."_  
Ignorant Before the Heavens of My Life -Rainer Marie Rilke

  
It was busier on the streets of Deadwood than I expected. I guess even small South Dakota towns can get crowded when there’s free money to be won at slots and cards. We had been on the run for three weeks. We had flown into Denver and rented our RV. We drove into Montana then into South Dakota.

Connor had calmed since we rescued him, no longer shrieking caught in nightmares but there were no signs he knew who any of us were. I couldn’t tell if it was from the spell or insanity or a combination of both. That my son was disturbed was no in question. He made the perfect little brother for my other child; Dru would love him like this. If I hadn’t been the one to break her, I’d swear that there was something about me that predisposed my kin to madness. My only consolation was Giles had gotten Cordelia to Pittsburgh. She was still in a coma but she was receiving the care she needed.

Wes and Fred tried to be encouraging, telling me daily Connor seemed clearer. Being around him hadn’t overridden the spell though. They still didn’t know him. Connor didn’t like Lorne. It was like he could see through the glamour charm that made Lorne appear human. So Lorne mostly stayed away as much as possible which wasn’t much since we were trapped together on a cross country run. Faith treated Connor like he was normal, like his mind wasn’t in a thousand pieces spread across the floor. I think she might have the right idea. Connor liked spending time with her the most so maybe her approach was the best one.

Wolfram and Hart had harried us in every state we had been in. Wes thought they might be using locator spells. Lorne had another trinket that scrambled those but not perfectly. Gunn had been with them when they caught up to us in a touristy ghost town, Clancy, Montana. We managed to get away from him and the Grappler demons he had with him without killing him. Fred cried the whole next day. So far they hadn’t found us in South Dakota but it was only a matter of time unless we did something about it.

And that was exactly what I had planned. I had left Connor in the RV asleep, clutching the stuffed buffalo Fred had bought him three days ago. We had stopped for the day in Keystone. Our run had turned into part hiding out from Wolfram and Hart and part road trip, mostly because my human companions needed something to break the constant stress.

We no longer needed to sedate Connor so Fred, Wes and Faith had taken him into town. Fred had wanted to see Mt. Rushmore hence our adding Keystone to the list. As it turned out, Fred was a collector of touristy trinkets. Connor had latched onto the white buffalo in one of the gift shops and seemed so fascinated by it that Fred bought it. I figured as long as he wasn’t talking to it I could let him have it, despite him being too old for such things. It seemed to calm him but the toy

bothered me; put me in mind of Dru once more. So did how soporific he was. He slept more than was normal. On her worst days, Dru couldn’t be roused.

I headed for the Bullock Hotel. I was supposed to meet Wes and Faith there. We were expecting company but he wasn’t due in for another hour. Instead of going straight to the hotel, I headed down Main Street to St. Ambrose’s Catholic church. I half expected it to be locked but it wasn’t.

I went in uncomfortably. I almost dipped my fingers in the little brass basin of holy water by the door as some long ago muscle memory moved me. It was true. No matter how hard you try to excise Catholicism from your bones it still lingers whether you wanted it to or not. I moved up the aisle to the first pew. I had no right to go all the way to the altar.

I looked around at the statuary and the stained glass then up at the large hanging crucifix behind the altar. Looking at that writhing Christ, which had always scared me as a child, I knew I didn’t belong here. I thought back to all the priests and nuns I’ve slain, the atrocities I had committed within walls just like this and I knew I had no business here. That didn’t stop my knees from hitting the kneeler. If I had thought very hard, I could probably remember the Latin for the prayers of attrition.

"I know I have no right to ask for anything. I’m not sure you even exist and if you do, I know you have no time for a creature like me. But I know the man who raised my son introduce Connor to you. I know my son believes in you. He’s done some wrong things, I know this and he is very lost right now. Maybe it’s because he’s never had anyone to guide him. He was raised to fight, to hate by someone who was half insane. Then I abandoned him to this world, alone and afraid. All I want is for you not to abandon him. I want my son to be well."

I knelt here for a moment as if I expected an answer. I nearly laughed, feeling remarkably foolish. For someone who hadn’t earnestly prayed since he was a child it had certainly spilled out of me. I left St Ambrose and headed for the Bullock Hotel. I found Wes looking over Faith’s shoulder as she plugged quarters into a slot machine. Fred had cleaned out some of the accounts at Wolfram and Hart, filtering the pilfered money through a maze that I hoped no one could trace back to us.

As much as we needed the money, I didn’t like us being thieves especially when Wolfram and Hart was involved. I shouldn’t let Faith waste money but it was worth a few twenties to keep her entertained since her preferred entertainment was impinged by a lack of privacy and eligible men.

"Doing any good?" I asked.

She looked coyly over her shoulder at me. "Not really but it’s fun."

"Addictive really," Wes said.

"He’s already blown his wad," Faith said. "Such as it was."

Wes gave her a dirty look.

"Have you seen him yet?" I asked.

"No and I’ve been prowling through the casino," Wes replied, waving a hand at the crowded casino. "Maybe we should go outside and see if we can see him. He might be lost."

I nodded. "Good. I don’t want to be away from Connor for too long."

They didn’t argue. We went outside. Despite it being a few days into official summer, the night air this high in the mountains was cool. Wes sat on the bench outside the casino while Faith talked to some sort of street vendor. They were plentiful especially since we had arrived in time for the Wild Bill Days festival, a handful of days for people to roam around in costume and pretend it was the old west. I had been in the old west. I preferred today. I leaned against the brown sandstone of the hotel. Faith sat next to Wes with her prize, a slim cigar. She lit it, knowing full well she had the attention of me, Wes and several men passing by. The cigar smelled good. I wouldn’t have minded a drag.

"Nice view."

We all looked over at the speaker. It took me a moment to recognize Lindsey. He had on a wide brimmed white cowboy hat, tight jeans, a glitzy western shirt and cowboy boots. In other words, he looked like most of the locals.

"I wasn’t sure you’d meet us," I said.

"I have no idea why I’m here," Lindsey said, coming over to us. He leaned against the street lamp. "I guess maybe because you said you need to help a kid get away from Wolfram and Hart. I don’t like the idea of them having some teenager prisoner."

"Well, they don’t have him any more but they are trying to get him back." I pushed off the wall, pacing around the front of the building. "I can’t let that happen."

"So how do I figure into this bizarre band of characters you have on your side?" Lindsey waved a hand at Faith who pursed her lips, blowing smoke at him. "I can’t help you protect anyone. The muscle work is your forte."

"I know but I made a foolish deal with Wolfram and Hart to work with them." I hated admitting a weakness to Lindsey.

"You did what?" Lindsey barked, sweeping his hat off. Maybe the brim had been obscuring his view but now I was getting the full lash of his blue eyes.

"It’s a long story," I said, wearily. "And we need a place to tell it away from eavesdroppers. I’d rather avoid our RV until we get the story out. There’s someone there who doesn’t know the whole story yet and right now it wouldn’t help him to hear it."

"We can go to one of the bars. We’re spoiled for choice here," Lindsey said.

"I don’t want civilians to get overly curious. There’re too many people around. I’m not comfortable here with Wolfram and Hart’s monsters still after us," I argued.

"Well, I suppose we can go to my hotel room," Lindsey said, not the least bit uneasy with that offer. He knew I needed him so I was unlikely to hurt him.

"Fine. Lead the way."

Lindsey headed to Sherman Street and took us to Deadwood Dick’s which looked like it had been a warehouse a hundred years ago. Faith snubbed out what was left of her cigar as we went in. I was shocked at the white marble staircase and pillars inside. He led us up to his little suite. He sat in the desk chair leaving a worn upholstered chair for Wes. Faith stretched out on the bed, propping a pillow on the red brick wall that would have made me vaguely nervous if I planned on doing more than sleep. I perched at the edge of the bed to keep myself from pacing the room.

"How’d you even find me?" he asked curiously.

"I have a friend who’s a hacker and a witch, a little computer a little magic and we have your Oklahoma phone number," I replied and he scowled.

Lindsey listened intently to my tale of what had happened without interruption. I could almost see him taking mental notes. When I finished telling him about the verbal agreement and what had become of Gunn, he dropped the arm he had been resting his chin on while he listened. He sat up straight. "Are you all monumental idiots?"

"I’m beginning to think we must be," I said bitterly.

"Don’t include me in this. My stupidity with Wolfram and Hart is in the past," Faith said, drawing one leg up, making Lindsey look.

"I need to know if I’ve given away everyone’s life and soul in this bargain, Lindsey."

The lawyer shook his head. "Not on the strength of a verbal agreement but it sounds like Gunn’s already signed on. You might not be able to help him."

"But they’re still coming after us, chased us through four states," Wes said, "They obviously think they have some sort of claim on us."

Lindsey shrugged. "And that differs from how Wolfram and Hart has always treated you, how?"

"I never thought of it that way," I admitted, wondering why I hadn’t seen it from that point of view. "I was too worried about the verbal agreement."

Lindsey ruffled his hat-flattened hair. "And well you should have been."

"So how do we make them leave us alone?" Faith asked.

"You could try to get restraining orders but I wouldn’t advise it. You might have been around for two centuries or so, Angel but you aren’t a lawyer. Most lawyers won’t want to go up against Wolfram and Hart. A few mavericks might but your best bet is to do what you always should have done. Go after them and wipe them out. The Beast has done most of your work for you from the sounds of it. That you even allowed them to grow back was a mistake," Lindsey said.

"I had other concerns, huge ones," I grumbled. "That’s your best advice? I would have thought you’d have some sort of legal wrangling to offer. You got away from them, after all."

"Yes, how did you manage that?" Wes asked. "Lilah’s contract has bound her, even after death. I tried to destroy the contract to free her but it wouldn’t work."

Lindsey’s eyes widened. "Lilah’s dead?"

"Unfortunately," Wes said.

"Look, I didn’t work any magic to get away from them. I was still pretty new. I hadn’t signed any of the fancy contracts like Lilah had. They sued me for breach of contract. I paid the hefty fine and that was that. The truth is, they were tired of me. I had screwed up one too many times. Giving me back my hand was the last ditch effort to win me over and it failed. Letting me go was easier than killing me. His face paled. "Not that I don’t expect to wake up dead every day since I left. So long as you haven’t signed the formal contract, you should be all right. The reason they’re still after you is they’re Wolfram and Hart, evil through and through. I can’t believe you even considered they had changed their ways."

"I wasn’t thinking clearly. I thought I was saving Connor," I replied, truthfully.

"Who is this Connor? What makes him so special?" Lindsey asked.

"He’s mine and Darla’s son," I said, simply.

Lindsey was on his feet. "What? That isn’t possible Angel. You’re dead. She’s dead."

"And we managed to make a life, a miraculous, prophesied, completely messed up life. Our son was slipping into insanity." I got up packing away from him. "Too much had gone wrong in his life, so I had Wolfram and Hart write him out of this life and give him an all new one."

"How messed up could his life be? He couldn’t be more than two," Lindsey said, moving out of my way.

"He grew up in a hell dimension, Quor-Toth. That was my fault," Wes said. "Time moved differently there, according to Angel, and Connor’s now an eighteen year old boy."

"Angel says?" Lindsey sat on the bed with Faith.

"They don’t remember him. It was part of the spell. My witch friend is working on ways to counter it," I said, uncomfortable with giving Lindsey Willow’s name.

"You’re serious," he said, getting into my space. "He’s real, Darla’s son?"

I noticed how he made Connor entirely Darla’s. Fair enough, given his past feelings for her. "Connor’s real. He’s in the RV which is why I didn’t want to talk there. He doesn’t know yet what I tried to do to help him. Wolfram and Hart had him in a dimension that the white room accessed and I don’t know what they were doing to him. He’s still a bit...mentally confused. We don’t know if that’s the spell, what had happened to him before it or what happened after the spell was cast," I replied.

Lindsey’s eyes glistened. "Can I see him?"

I didn’t have to ask why. Connor was a connection to Darla. "Of course. Come on."

As we started our way back up the hills to the Deadwood KOA campground, I looked at Lindsey and said, "She sacrificed herself for him. It came down to our baby’s life or her own."

"And she did the noble thing." He seemed happy about that.

"She told me this baby was the only good thing we had ever done together. She wasn’t wrong." I sighed. "And I want to get him back, give him all those good things I wanted to."

No one said anything to that. Lorne greeted me at the door, a nervous look on his face which was pale, almost pinkish, no horns in sight. He wasn’t a very attractive human.

"Oh, Angel... um we tried to call you but the mountains seem to be screwing up the cell phones," Lorne said.

"What happened?" I felt cold.

"Fred and I were out making s’mores for the kid." Lorne pointed at the campfire outside our RV. "And he seems to have gone out a window. Fred went after him and I waited here just in case he came home since if he saw me he’d just run faster."

"Damn it." I wanted to wring their necks. It would be one thing if Connor had fought and escaped them but they just let him wander off. "Do you know which way Fred went?"

"Towards downtown."

"Great. Faith, you and Wes split up, see if you can find him. Connor should go with you. Lindsey, why don’t you wait here?"

I didn’t wait for an answer. I picked up Connor’s scent easily enough and I ran after him. I was surprised that the trail led to Mount Moriah Cemetery. Connor hadn’t ever shown any interest in them before. He found enough vampires to stake just hanging around the clubs in L.A. I tracked him past the large graves of Wild Bill Hitchcock and Calamity Jane. Why in the world had my son come here? His trail led outside of the cemetery through a gate and up a steep incline. I found him lying on a bench next to another grave. The view off the mountain was wonderful. The summer breeze carried the fresh scent of pine. Connor didn’t seem distressed. He seemed to be staring up at the stars.

"Connor, son what are you doing here?" I wasn’t sure if he’d answer me. He only ever seemed half aware of his surroundings. He didn’t often speak now.

"Talking."

I looked around at the silent woods. "To whom?"

"Mom." He turned his head to look at me.

"Connor, your mother is dead," I reminded him gently.

"So are you."

Well, he was certainly more clear of thought than he had been and I was sure he knew damn well the difference between me and Darla being dust.

He looked back up at the stars. "We were looking at the stars and naming them. Mom said Dru used to like to do that."

I froze. I had never mentioned Dru to Connor. I pulled out my cell phone and called Lorne. The connection was bad but I got out that I had found Connor and figured Lorne could take it from there. I slipped the phone into my pocket and called out, "Darla?"

She glided out from a woody patch near a purposely rough-hewn looking tombstone that read ‘Seth Bullock, Pioneer, Martha his wife.’ She was still dressed in white like she had been in the trunk of my car. That hadn’t been a hallucination. She walked over to me, sliding a hand up my arm. Connor watched that curiously. Darla had no scent but she oddly felt real but very cold.

"You saved him." Darla brushed away a twig that had got caught in my hair in my dash up the mountainside.

"I told you I would, Darla. I wouldn’t let anything happen to him," I said.

"Liar," he said, twisting on his side so he could look at us. "You gave me away."

"No, Connor." God, had he been aware of everything all this time, just holding it in, hiding from it? Or was he suddenly awakening from his fugue?

"I know what you did. Lilah told me." His voice was heavy with accusation. Maybe my sad little prayer had worked or maybe it was the sight of his dead mother but Connor’s sanity seemed to have returned and he was as full of hate as ever. When would I learn, ‘be careful of what you wish for?’

I went to the bench and knelt on the hard, rocky ground. He didn’t flinch away or make a move to strike me. Darla went with me, her hand on my shoulder. "I tried to give you a better life, Connor. You were too full of pain. I couldn’t make you better. You wanted a family so much it hurt. I gave you what I thought would heal you, a family. That’s what I tried to give you. I nearly lost all my friends in the process. But Lilah lied to me. As soon as I discovered that, I rescued you."

"You let me go again," he accused, his eyes filling with tears as his fingers clamped down on the edge of the bench.

I ran a hand over his hair and he let me. "No, son. I let you go for the first time. Because it was the only way I saw to help you but I was wrong. I did everything I could to hold onto you when you were a baby. I would have done anything to keep you safe but it wasn’t meant to be. You were stolen. I tried so hard to get you back but I couldn’t find a way into Quor-Toth."

"I found a way out." He sat up, looking down at me. "You never wanted me. You wanted to destroy me. Cordelia told me so."

"That isn’t true," Darla said, surprising me. I had nearly forgotten she was there. "The demon inside of your friend was telling you that. You believed me about that in the end. You tried to fight but she controlled you."

"He wanted me gone. He wanted to kill my daughter." He pointed a trembling finger at me.

"I never wanted you gone," I said, and his eyes darkened. "I know I put you out in the street but I didn’t know what I was doing. I was half mad from hunger. I know that’s no excuse. I should have made you come back with me once I was better. I failed you. I’ve failed you in so many ways. I know that. But I tried my best, Connor. Sometimes that’s not good enough. I even tried to rescue Jasmine at the end but that wasn’t possible. You know that. You did what you had to as much as I wish you had left it to me. No one should have to kill their own child."

"You tried to kill me." Was he avoiding facing up to what he had done? Did he remember or was he insane even then? He certainly remembered at least one of our battles.

"No, I tried to stop you from killing innocent people. I know you didn’t want to do that."

"I...I barely remember. I remember wanting to die." His voice cracked and Darla stroked his hair. "I was so sad when I woke up and Lilah told me everything."

"She lied to you," Darla said for me.

"I was afraid you would force me to hurt you, Connor. That’s why I made that deal. I’m so sorry," I said, getting up on the bench with him.

"Forgive your father, Connor. He’ll help you. I promise you that. I can’t always be here with you." Darla said, tears rolling down her cheeks. "I can only make a few visits. They allow me that much. You redeemed me in the end, my precious boy."

He looked between us and started sobbing. I wrapped my arms around him and he let me pull him close. Darla sat with us. I was able to see through her now. She didn’t have much time left on this visit. Still she threw her ghostly arms around us both. I don’t know how long Connor cried against me or when my own silent tears started. Finally he pulled away, letting his head fall back turning his face to the moon.

"I have to go," Darla said, touching his chest. "But I’m always here with you, Connor. I’m part of your bright soul."

"Not bright," he muttered. "I’ve done bad things."

"I know." She ghosted a kiss over his forehead. "But you can be forgiven. Your father knows more about the path of redemption than anyone. He can lead you away from perdition."

"I can’t hold onto everything," Connor moaned. "I try but things getting flittery and fuzzy. It gets better a little each day but then suddenly it’s like it was that night Jasmine died. And it’s all so confusing, frightening, painful to think. I can’t find anyone or remember things then I get more scared."

"You’re ill, son," I said, squeezing his hand. "You need help and this time I’ll make sure you get it. No quick fixes, no magic."

"I hate magic," he said.

"And I should have remembered that."

He looked around at the dark woods. "I like it here. I didn’t know places could be so pretty."

Darla made a bubbling sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob. "This world is full of beautiful places, son."

"Not that you’d know it, Connor. You’ve never been outside of L.A. until now. If you like it here, maybe once I deal with Wolfram and Hart, we can come here for a while. It doesn’t even have to be just me and you, if you don’t want it to be. I’m sure our friends wouldn’t mind some time away. Even if I have to ignore the Powers That Be, delay my chances at Shanshu, I will because taking you somewhere you’re happy, somewhere you can get well is more important than anything else in this world to me," I said.

"Shanshu?" His long nose wrinkled.. I hadn’t noticed it before but Connor had his mother’s nose and full lips. I was hard pressed to see anything of myself in him other than the color of his hair.

"It’s a long story. Let’s just say it’s a prophecy."

"I don’t like prophecies."

"Neither do I, really. But this one says if I redeem myself enough, if I’m good enough then I get to be human again." Both Connor and Darla stared at me. "And I’m supposed to keep helping the world like I have been to earn this but somewhere in that there has to be room for helping my son. If not, then what good’s becoming human?"

We were all silent for a few long moments then Darla ran her hand, nearly transparent now, over Connor’s hair. "I have to go, son. But I can always hear you. Talk to me sometime. I’d like that."

With that she was gone. I took Connor’s hand. "We should go back to the RV now son."

He nodded, detaching himself from me then started down the rocky trail into the cemetery. "I’m scared. I’m so afraid all the time and then I get so I can’t even move. I can’t talk or think. I just want to sleep. Everything’s less sharp and hurtful then."

"You’re still sick, son. You’ll get better but it’ll take time," I said, hoping that was true. Dru never got better then again no one tried to help her. And this was exactly how she sometimes described things, in her more lucid moments. Would my boy stay this lucid or like Dru, would he fade back out into his little world where things didn’t hurt him so much? "And it’s a scary time. Wolfram and Hart want you back and they’re not ready to let us go yet."

He nodded. "I know. I haven’t been any help."

"No one’s expecting you to fight yet Connor. I’d rather you didn’t. You need to relax and let yourself heal."

He cast a doubtful look my way. We barely made it back to the town when we heard screams of sheer panic.


	5. Chapter 5

_"By the dismal tarns and pools  
Where dwell the Ghouls,-   
By each spot the most unholy- In each nook most melancholy-   
There the traveller meets aghast   
Sheeted Memories of the Past-   
Shrouded forms that start and sigh   
As they pass the wanderer by-   
White-robed forms of friends long given,   
In agony, to the Earth- and Heaven."_  
Dreamland - Edgar Allen Poe

  
"What’s going on?" Connor shrank back, terror in his eyes. I wasn’t used to that. My son was brash, cocky, headstrong and reckless. He sometimes reminded me of Spike in that respect. I didn’t know how to handle this timidness.

"Don’t know, son." I took off toward the RV. Connor was in no shape to fight so I was going to take him home first.

"Dad, the screams are that way." Connor pointed toward the historic down town of Deadwood.

He called me ‘dad’ and for once, it didn’t sound like a curse. "You need to go back to..."

"I can do this," he said without confidence.

I decided not to argue. He might need to do this for his own self esteem and sanity. But as he pelted towards the downtown, I worried that he hadn’t fought since he went up against me in the mall. Every time Wolfram and Hart had sent something against us, he had remained in his fugue. He was nearly carted off by an Amarok, a gigantic wolf-creature in Colorado and he hadn’t even appeared to notice.

I nearly ran over Fred when we hit Main Street. She had been racing back toward the campsite, probably because she was unarmed.

"Oh, Angel." She stumbled back in surprise. "You found him."

"Yes, what’s going on?"

"I don’t know. Screaming, lots of it. I heard someone saying huge, scary humans grabbed some tourists and head for the tree line." Fred flipped her long hair back. "I’m not sure, giants maybe?"

"But they went for tourists and not us?" I asked. I hated the idea that innocents had gotten caught in the cross hairs. I’m not lucky enough for this to be some random thing. This wasn’t Sunnydale after all.

"I don’t know. They might have gone to our camp first." Fred’s brow beetled, giving her face an even more rattish appearance. "I can’t get through to Lorne but the giants came from the bottom of the hill."

"Head back to the RV. Connor, go with her," I said and neither of them moved.

Before I could snap out another order, I heard my name being called. I turned and saw Faith frantically waving me down. I headed down the hill, Fred and Connor in my wake.

"They went back down the hill. I was going after them but they have a huge head start," Faith said then flung her arm westward. "Wes is that way, questioning the people who saw the tourists get grabbed."

"Fred, go find Wes and help him. I’ll go with Faith," I said. "Connor, you..."

 

My son was already loping down the hill with Faith. So much for protecting him. He was his own life’s wrecking crew. I caught up with them, what else could I do?

"I see the kid is doing better," Faith said, with a wide, excited grin.

"I have a name," Connor said but he didn’t sound angry. Of course, he was busy concentrating on Faith’s leather-clad butt. If he wasn’t directly behind her, I’d be afraid he’d run over a tourist since he wasn’t looking where he was going.

"I know, kid."

"She never says my name," he said, looking at me. "But she fights good."

"Good, kid? I’m great." Faith looked over her shoulder at him. "And how would you know?"

"We’ve fought," he said solemnly, dodging around a pack of gamblers heading off the streets into Miss Kitty’s at a high rate of speed.

"When?" Faith looked confused. "Why?"

"She doesn’t remember, son, thanks to Wolfram and Hart’s spell."

He wrinkled his nose at me then looked back over at Faith. "I had to prove to you I could handle myself." His lips twisted into a smirk. "I won."

"Why don’t I believe that?" Faith asked, dodging a gray-haired couple who looked too scared by the turmoil on the streets to move.

I didn’t either. Connor was lying. He did it well though but I was used to that. It scared me, always had. Growing up with no humans around but Holtz, why and how had Connor gotten so good at lying?

Connor paused and I nearly plowed into him. He sniffed the air. "What smells?"

I took a deep breath in and wished I hadn’t. It smelled horribly of feces, blood and sweat. "I don’t know."

"It’s getting stronger," Faith said. "I think it’s whatever took the tourists. There was a strong smell in the area."

"Good to know."

We continued on. The smell grew steadily worse but there were no signs of the giants. We saw deep, heavy footprint in the yellowish dirt as we headed into the woods. From the size of the prints, these creatures had to be well over eight feet tall.

"How fast are they?" Faith asked. "They’re carrying victims."

"Fast," I stated the obvious. We pressed on but the ground grew rocky. We lost the prints but not the scent. Still, there were thousands of acres to get lost in and all too soon I had to turn around before the sun rose. We had rediscovered the prints by then.

"The kid and I can continue to hunt them," Faith said.

I looked at Connor. His eyes were tired and hollow. Fine tremors ran through him; exhaustion or his illness getting hold of him again. He needed a rest. "Connor needs to come back with me. No arguments, son. You need some sleep."

Connor didn’t argue. He didn’t even speak, just nodding weakly. We started back with Faith following the prints only to find we’ve been going in a circle. We could see the taller buildings of Main Street through the trees.

"Son of a bitch." Faith kicked at a tree root.

"I wonder what they’re playing at," I said then sniffed the air. Blood scent had grown suddenly thicker. We started walking again.

Connor paused, casting about. On his pale cheek a red blossom appeared, then another, running down like a crimson tear. I reached out and caught it on my finger, feeling the stickiness of it.

Connor looked up then stumbled back against me, his whole body shaking like he was coming apart. The look in his eyes said that could be reality. Faith uttered a particularly foul obscenity. I looked up into the trees. Hanging there, waving in the breeze were four bodies. The flesh of their upper body was gnawed nearly to bone and the rest hung there like cached meat, which I’m sure it was. From some of the remaining clothing I guessed they were two women, a man and an older child.

"They ate a family," Connor said past chattering teeth.

"Don’t look at it, Connor." I roughly pulled him away. He tried to break free. "Connor, no. There’s nothing you can do to help them. Faith can bring the police here. They’ll take good care of them now."

"Send Fred." Faith grabbed Connor’s other arm and helped propel him along. "I’m not eager for the police to see me with dead bodies."

"Good point," I said as Connor craned his neck, keeping his eyes on the cannibalized people.

We left Faith at the tree line and I tried to hurry Connor along. I could almost feel him retreating back into his shell. I finally prodded him into a trot.

"The family....my fault," he said, his gait going unsteady.

"You can’t think that way, Connor." I grabbed his arm, shaking it. "It is not your fault."

He yanked free, nearly falling. "They’re after me."

"No " I snapped. "It’s my fault. I gave you to them. I made the bad deal. Don’t try to carry my burden."

Stumbling to a halt, he looked at me, tears silently rolling down his face.

I wiped them away. "This is not your fault, Connor and we’re going to make them pay for this, I promise."

He sniffled, rubbing at his eyes then started running uphill. Wes and Fred were back at the RV when we got there. I was surprised to see Lindsey was still there.

"Fred, can you go meet Faith at the bottom of Main Street. We found the tourists or what’s left of them. She’ll need your help with the police. Wes, you and I can do some research, you too Lorne. Lindsey, maybe you could help Fred or us. I know I have no right to ask you and put you in the path of these things more than I already have," I said.

"Why do I get the impression it’s already too late? I do know something about how Wolfram and Hart operates and delegates. I can stay here and help you," he said, surprising me.

"Thank you."

"I’ll go with Fred," Lorne said. "No one should be alone out there."

Lorne and Fred left. Lindsey came over to Connor. I was going to tell him to leave the boy alone but Connor seemed to be just as curious about the lawyer as Lindsey obviously was about him.

"Connor, this is Lindsey McDonald. He’s here to help us. Lindsey, this is my son, Connor."

"Nice to meet you, Connor." Lindsey held out his hand. Connor didn’t shake it, merely mumbling a hello, ducking away shyly.

"I don’t’ think he knows about shaking hands," I whispered to Lindsey then put a hand on Connor’s shoulder. "Son, you need to get some rest."

He didn’t argue with me. He kicked off his shoes, and grabbed the soft cotton shorts he had been sleeping in. They were too big. Wes might be slim but not Connor-skinny. We should have taken the time to find where my son had his clothing stashed before we left instead of giving him some of Wes’. I had bought Connor some new stuff but not enough. He disappeared into the tiny bathroom and quickly reappeared wearing only the shorts. He tossed his dirty clothing into the pile he was accumulating by his bed. He climbed into his berth, rested his cheek on the plush buffalo toy and shut his eyes.

"Will we bother him?" Lindsey asked, sitting at the kitchen table where Wes was shoveling his mystical tomes.

"Connor has vampiric hearing," I said. "He’ll hear us but I think he’s gotten used to sleeping with noise. It’s pretty close in here."

"So I see. Are you all sleeping here?" Lindsey asked.

"No, some of us are in hotels." I didn’t tell Lindsey where and who. The less he knew the safer he was. Fred, Lorne and Wes were in a B&B. We figured there was less chance of Wolfram and Hart finding them that way. Faith stayed with me and Connor in the RV because she was the only one who had a prayer of dealing with Connor if he got physical. Besides, Connor responded best to her. But prehaps I had misunderstood why he responded to her so well. He was obviously attracted to her but I was sure he hadn’t been faking his fugue. This new level of response was just that, new.

"So where do we start?" Lindsey asked.

"Tell me what you learned, Angel," Wes said.

I stayed with them until the sun forced me into my bed where the window had been blacked out with cardboard and a curtain hung across the opening of the berth. Lindsey confirmed one of Wes’ suspicions. Wolfram and Hart liked to use local talent. Wes had some ideas and was busy re-questioning Faith who had returned long before Fred and Lorne who I assumed were still with the cops. They would likely report here before retiring to their B&B.

I paused on the way to my bed to check on Connor. He was in a deep sleep. I was happy to see it. I laid down, the curtain closed and my light on. I started pouring through the tome Wes had given me, looking for man-eating giants


	6. Chapter 6

_"We'll sing a victory tune  
We'll all meet back at the local saloon  
We'll raise up our glasses against evil forces  
Singing whiskey for my men, beer for my horses."_  
Beer For My Horses - Toby Keith  & Willie Nelson

  
Somewhere during my research, I had fallen asleep thanks the exceptionally dry material. It was sunset when I woke up. I could hear deep even breathing but only from one person. Connor and I must be alone. I got out of my berth then froze. Connor wasn’t in his bed. Faith was the one asleep. I looked outside for my son but he wasn’t there.

I banged the door open. "Faith, wake up, Connor’s gone again."

She sat up, rubbing her eyes. "Damn. Maybe you should put a bell on that boy."

"I’m getting ready to chain him to his bed."

"Give me a chance to pee and I’ll help you find him."

I nodded. Who knew how long Connor had been gone. I should have been more attentive than I was given Connor’s mental state. While Faith took care of her business, I paced the RV. It was then I saw a piece of folded paper with my name on it. I read Lindsey’s rather flowery handwriting.

> Angel  
> I fell asleep here and when I woke up everyone was gone but you and Faith. Connor was awake and restless. There’s nothing here for him to do and I didn’t want to wake everyone up so he came along with me. Don’t worry; he’s too young for me to take to the casinos. He’ll be in my suite watching cable tv.  
> Lindsey

What was Lindsey thinking? If Connor lost it, Lindsey could be in danger. Then again Lindsey could be in danger if Wolfram and Hart caught up to them. We were in agreement that the monsters had been sent by them.

"Ready," Faith said, coming out of the bathroom.

I held up the letter. "He’s with Lindsey. He woke up with cabin fever."

"Why would Lindsey want anything to do with your kid?"

"Because he’s Darla’s son, too. Lindsey loved her," I replied. "Let’s go see if Connor’s actually still there."

"I’ll be happy if Deadwood Dick’s still standing." Faith smirked. "That sounded really dirty."

"I just consider the source." I smirked back and she slapped my chest hard.

Dick’s seemed intact when we got there. Lindsey answered the door quickly.

"He’s still here?" I asked immediately. Lindsey jerked a thumb over his shoulder.

Connor looked drowsy, stretched out on the couch in Lindsey’s little suite. A pizza box was open on the floor but not many slices were gone.

"How are you doing, Connor?" I asked.

He held a finger to his lips then pointed to the TV.

"He’s watching ‘The X-Men’ movie," Lindsey said. "He’s supposed to be eating but he’s not making much head way."

"Eat something, Connor," I said then headed into the bedroom portion of the suite for slightly more privacy. Faith and Lindsey followed. "Thanks for looking out for him, Lindsey."

"He surprised me," Lindsey said. "I didn’t think he’d follow a stranger but he was getting squirrelly in the RV. He’s a little...uh, disturbed."

"I told you as much. Seeing the slaughtered family last night made it that much worse. He didn’t do anything strange, did he?"

"No, he was mostly quiet. He’d get this far away look in his eyes, though like he wasn’t seeing me any more when we were talking."

"This is the best he’s been since we rescued him," I said.

"I’d worry about how thin he is...with the way he’s eating. I know you don’t do much of that but that’s not good in the living," Lindsey said, casting a glance back at the living room.

Lindsey’s concern was touching and surprising. I guessed the feelings he had for Darla were spilling over onto Connor in a major way. "He’s had no appetite lately but he’s always looked like that," I replied.

Lindsey’s eyebrows rosed. "Really? He’s a rail."

"Growing up in hell, I think it affected his growth," I said. "Or he just doesn’t take after me much."

"No, he doesn’t," Lindsey said. "There’s a little of Darla in his face though."

"Well, as short as he is with those baby blues, he looks more like yours," Faith blurted out then glanced over at me. "Sorry, Angel."

"It’s all right. I thought the same thing myself when I first saw Connor since Darla was living with Lindsey at the time."

He shook his head. "Don’t drive yourself nuts about it. Darla and I never..."

"I know," I said. "Well, I didn’t know that but I know Connor’s mine. I can feel it. Connor knew me the moment he breached the dimension. Either Holtz described me amazingly well or Connor knew me instinctively." I paused, trying to hold off a shudder at the thought of having gone through all this for another man’s son. "Can we borrow your phone and see if we can contact the rest of the team? The mountains are raising hell with the cellular."

"Go ahead. I’m going to grab a slice of pizza. Want some, Faith?"

"Thanks."

I could hear them talking as I called Wes’ room at the B&B.

"Umm, Hugh Jackman. Don’t you want to take a big bite out of him," Faith said.

"Not really," Connor replied.

"Not your thing?" Faith asked while I was thinking ‘Thank God.’ It might be politically incorrect but I wasn’t ready to handle a bisexual son. "What is?"

"You," Connor shot back and I nearly dropped the phone. I heard the voice mail come on so I hung up and called Fred’s room. Since when was Faith to my son’s tastes?

"You and I didn’t do something I’ve totally forgotten, did we?" Faith asked, sounding a bit worried.

"Cordy thought so, said something about me sharing Dad’s love of Slayers."

"Don’t look at me, kid. Angel and I are friends. It’s Buffy he wants."

She was right about that. So what had Connor done that upset Cordy? It must have been when I was Angelus and not around to see it. "Oh, uh, Fred," I said into the phone. "We’re at Deadwood Dick’s. Are Lorne and Wes around?...okay, I’ll call Wes’ cell. I’ll meet you in the lobby." I hung up and dialed the cellular thinking I’d have to have the big sex talk with Connor. I had no clue that he was interested in Faith. I guess he’s not blind but the last thing we needed was another baby; worse a pregnant Slayer but given Faith’s life style I’m sure she was on the pill at the very least. Still, I had weaseled out of the talk last time. When there was time, I’d have to do it. "Wes? We’re at Lindsey’s...really? Good. Come on up when you get that fax." I hung up and went out into the living room.

Lindsey was in the chair and Faith had Connor’s feet in her lap, leaving him still stretched out on the couch.

"Fred and Lorne are on the way over. Wes thinks he has our monster identified. He’ll be here soon. He’s waiting on a fax from Giles. I’ll go down and meet them; you guys eat," I said. "Connor, did you eat more?"

"No."

"Eat," I said and he gave me the evil eye.

Faith squeezed his calf. "It’s delicious."

Connor scooped up a slice and bit into it exaggeratedly as if to say ‘See? Happy now?’ That I chalked up to teen aged pique.

Faith petted his leg. "Good boy."

I left hoping she quit touching him. Connor didn’t need encouragement along those lines. I remembered being that age. The little solider liked to lead you into battle far too often. A boy could embarrass himself hourly at Connor’s age. It was like having a circus in your pants.

It didn’t take long for Fred and Lorne to show up. Wes was still delayed but we didn’t wait for him. He knew where Lindsey’s suite was. When we got back, Connor was still working on a slice of pizza. I hoped it wasn’t the same one he’d started when I went downstairs. Connor did look like he strained nutrients from the air alone.

He seemed content to have his feet resting in Faith’s lap, looking a little more at ease than when I first arrived. I reached down and tapped his shoulder. "How do you feel?"

"Foggy."

"All right. You just relax and watch TV. We’re going to handle this. Did you like your movie?" I smiled.

"It’s over," he said, his head lolling on the arm of the couch. "I liked it."

"Good. You probably got to see a lot of movies all day," I said.

"I slept through most of them." He took a bite of pizza. "Lindsey told me about Mom."

"Did he now?" I glanced over at the lawyer who looked instantly nervous. "Well, Lindsey is probably one of the few people who knew her when she was briefly human and she had done some good things, like protect Lindsey."

"Did you make her a vampire?" There was no emotion in my son’s voice, in his face, in his eyes. He was utterly dead and it scared me deep to the bone.

"No. It’s a very long, strange story. Later, when we have time and you’re feeling stronger, I’ll tell it to you, if you want."

His head bobbed. "I would. When she talks to me she doesn’t tell me anything about herself."

I ignored the questioning stares of the others and said, "I promise I’ll tell you anything you want to know about me and your mother when there’s time."

"Okay." Connor smiled faintly but before I could address that spark of emotion, someone knocked on the door. Lindsey let Wesley in.

"The papers say a gang took the tourists," Fred said apropos of nothing as Wes settled on the floor. I guess she assumed since we were all here it was business time. I should have made Connor sit up but I think we were all inclined to let my son alone. She made a face. "Do they even have gangs out here?"

"I have no idea but Giles agrees with my assessment and identification of our cannibalistic giants." Wes cast an uneasy glance at Connor.

"Connor, do you want to hear this or would you like to go into the other room?" I asked.

He drew his knees up, tucking into a ball. "I want to hear."

Wes nodded. "Lindsey’s observation that Wolfram and Hart like to utilize locals when possible was helpful. We think we’re dealing with Witicos, which are indigenous. There’re two kinds of

them, interestingly enough. They can be humans who had to resort to cannibalism in the hard winters of the northern Midwest and Canada and afterward transformed into esurient

cannibals. It’s much like that movie, "Ravenous." Of course, they aren’t our Witicos as they’re human sized."

"Wes," I said sharply. I wasn’t in the mood for a Watcheresque ramble on the extraneous information they tend to find so fascinating.

He scrubbed a hand over his dark chin, his short nails scratching over the stubble. That’s the sort of beard a man had, not the downy fluff that covered my son’s face. I’m not sure why it bothered me but it did.

"Yes, sorry. The other type of Witico are cannibalistic giants, easily identifiable by their severe malodor."

"Way stinky," Faith agreed.

"They’re filthy creatures and the paperwork Giles faxed me suggested avoidance as the best course of action."

"Why am I thinking that’s not an option?" Lindsey asked.

"Hey, we have a Slayer, a vampire, and the kid who claims he can take me which I’m gonna demand a rematch on as soon as he feels up to it." Faith clamped a hand on Connor’s foot shaking it. "What more do we need?"

"According to Giles, a ritual which Fred, Lorne, Lindsey and myself can handle as it needs someone at all four cardinal points to make it work," Wes replied, handing out the photocopies of the ritual.

"I’m fighting stench giants now? Lovely." Lindsey rolled his eyes.

"So are your super powered people standing around picking our butts?" Faith leaned over Connor’s legs to snare more pizza out of the box.

"Keeping us safe and as the Slayer there’s something special you can do," Wes said with a strange smile on his lips.

"Hot damn."

"The Witicos must be blinded first," Wes said.

"I can hit a target that small," Faith said.

"I have no doubt. However, it has to be done with excrement," Wes said.

We all stared, stunned. Faith’s mouth fell open. "What? I have to wipe shit in their eyes?"

"Human feces, yes." Wes looked slightly amused by this.

It wasn’t funny but all of our nerves were stretched. Lindsey and Connor both snickered. Lorne was hiding a grin. Faith slapped my son and winged a pillow at Lindsey.

"Screw that. There’s gotta be another way?" Faith said plaintively.

"I’m sorry, Faith," Wes said, not sounding it.

"Where am I going to get a pile of poop?"

"There’s five humans here," Fred said.

"Um, four," I corrected. "Connor’s..."

"I got tossed across the hotel by the sanctuary spell. I’m not sure I’m human." Connor’s blue eyes went haunted, like slatey maelstroms of pain.

"I gotta better idea. Connor’s tougher than human and he said he kicked my ass so he can do the shit wiping," Faith said.

"I lied about beating you," Connor said very quickly.

Faith curled her lips at him. "Yeah, I knew you had to be lying. No way your skinny ass beat me. Angel, you don’t have to breathe or smell if you don’t want to so you get to do it."

"There're more than one of these Witicos, Faith. I think we’ll both be doing this," I said.

"This blows," Faith grumped. "No one had better tell B about this. I bet she’s never had to fling poo like a monkey."

This time I was the one to crack and snicker. She elbowed me.

"Do you think Gunn will be with these monsters like he was last time?" Fred asked.

"We hurt him badly in Montana," Wes put in.

"Not so badly that he didn’t escape," I said bitterly.

"We have no idea how his healing abilities have been affected," Wes said. "If they have at all. It might be some time before we see Gunn again."

"He’s stronger than human now," I said. "I wouldn’t count him out yet."

"Poor Charles," Fred mumbled. I had to agree.

It took a little while to get the needed ingredients and the less said about that the better. At least we had latex gloves for the handling. I’m not sure why Fred had them and decided I didn’t want to know. We headed quickly for the RV to stock up on weapons. I was surprised to see Connor picking up a sword.

"Son, this isn’t your fight."

"They destroyed that family." His voice was cold, dead.

I winced. He was still holding onto that word, that notion of perfection and I feared that would only widen the fissures in his sanity. "You’re not up to it," I argued.

"Am so."

And that was that. I knew him well enough that if I ordered him to stay he wouldn’t. He’d follow us or go his own way and was that much more likely to be killed.

"Any clue where we’ll find them if they come back?" Faith asked.

"They’ll be back. Nothing like this was in the records for Deadwood," Wes said. "A lot of past mayhem of entirely human contrivances but this is the first Witico sighting."

"Too much of a coincidence for it not to be Wolfram and Hart’s involvement. They want us back and we're going to take Lindsey’s advice and take the fight to them," I said.

"Put that last bit on my tombstone," Faith said, shoving Lindsey lightly.

"Where do we start looking for them?" Connor asked.

"Why not back where they hung the bodies? They came that way last time," Wes said. "Predators tend to stick to their territory."

We tried to figure the best way down the hill besides Main Street so there’d be less chance of someone seeing the weapons. We didn’t take more than a few steps when both Connor and I lifted our heads sniffing the wind.

"I smell them that way." Connor pointed towards Mount Moriah away from town.

"So much for territory," I grumbled.

We all loped towards the mountains. We knew that if the Witicos got to town more innocents would die. Connor moved well through the pines. Surprisingly Lindsey did too but from what I knew of his background, growing up in Oklahoma, I wouldn’t doubt that he and his dad went out hunting as soon as he was old enough to hold a gun. The others moved less well. No surprises there, city people and whatever Lorne was. The stench grew rapidly worse. Lorne was gagging. I just didn’t breathe, keeping the reek out of my nostrils then we saw them. They weren’t as horrific looking as I’d imagined, judging by the stink. They were taller than I thought, closer to nine or ten feet. I assumed the three of them were all male, judging by the mop of facial hair hanging from their chins. Filth coated them. Their black hair fell past their shoulders in thick mats. Connor broke away, racing ahead of us into the miasma surrounding the Witicos.

"Connor," I hissed.

"Someone has to distract them," he shot back.

"You heard the boy," I said.

Our spellcasters ranged out, hitting the cardinal points. Faith didn’t wait for a clear opening to blind them. She took a leap at one and was swatted away like a fly. Connor grabbed a tree branch one-handed and swung up, launching himself at one, sword out like a lance. It didn’t penetrate far but Connor was able to catch the Witico’s beards. As he dangled there, he sliced across the thing’s chest. A chill bubbled out into the summer night.

"They’re made of ice underneath," he said just before the giant tossed him away.

Connor plummeted, hit ground, rolled and was back on his feet so fast it was hard to see him. Either he was feeling better or the family-related mania had returned. Either way my fear he wasn’t up to this drained out of me.

Connor flipped up and emasculated the one that had sent Faith flying. It howled and I winced in reflexive sympathy as Faith and I tried to cut the Achilles tendons of the third one. All that was underneath was ice and the monster didn’t go down. The emasculated one, however, hit his knees.

"Have at it, Faith," I said.

"A gentleman would do it for me."

"He’s no gentleman," Connor piped up as he tried for another emasculation but got caught in the monster’s huge hand.

"You heard my son." I jumped up, scoring a belly hit. It was enough to make the thing drop Connor.

"You both suck," Faith said, reaching into her baggy. She wiped at the thing’s eyes quickly. It went all the way down, kicking and screaming uprooting two pines in the process. Lorne made a meeping noise as he was nearly flatted by a falling pine.

Connor managed to get on the back of the one we had tried to cut the tendons of. He stabbed repeatedly into the Witico’s neck and ribs. It kept trying to get at him but couldn’t.

"You know, he might have actually beaten me," Faith said, holding her excrement-smeared, gloved hands out to her sides.

"He’s beaten me," I said as Connor took the second one down, ramming his sword up into the base of the thing’s skull.

I did the honors with the crap this time while Connor bounced off. He managed to chip away more of the chest of the one he slashed first. Faith and I watched, not willing to pick up our weapons with filthy hands. Connor could handle himself. And just as I thought that, the Witico caught him, crushing his face against the exposed ice of its body. The giant barred huge fangs, ready to make a meal of my boy.

I looked at Faith and she nodded. Before the Witico could pop Connor into its mouth, she and swarmed up onto its shoulders and smeared its eyes. It dropped Connor, shrieking. Faith and I jumped clear.

"Wes, now’d be a good time to start " I called out.

I heard the chanting as Faith, Connor and I ran for cover. I had no idea what would happen next. The blinded Witico exploded into huge hunks of ice, fetid flesh and thousands of pieces of hail that pelted us.

"If I never have to fight one of those again ever, I’ll die a happy woman," Faith said, stripping off her shitty latex gloves. "And I’m going to use Lilah’s head for a kick ball for this before giving it a swirly."

"A swirly?" Connor’s eyes widened curiously, as he swept gobs of flesh off his head.

"I forgot, no high school for you." Faith grinned. "If you were a normal boy, given your size, you’d be well acquainted with a swirly. That’s when the bigger boys hold you upside down, head in the toilet and flush."

"Ewwww." Connor made a face.

Faith took his chin in hand, rotating his head back and forth examining him. "Did it give you frostbite?"

"I’m okay."

"You did good out there, Connor," I said.

"You sure did. And sometime kid you and I have to spar because you do have some moves." She patted his cheek. "This tickles. It’s so soft and fuzzy. It has possibilities."

"What?" Connor’s eyes lit up.

"Faith " I snapped, imagining what she might be thinking. Connor needed no encouragement along those lines. "Is everyone else okay?" I called and got back four positive answers.

"Great, let’s get out of here. I desperately need a shower. Lindsey, I’m commandeering yours. I’m sick of that little spit shower in the RV," Faith said, jabbing a finger at Lindsey

"Uh, okay."

"We all need showers," Fred said and I saw none of them had been outside of explosion range.

"And we have to share that ancient thing in the B&B," Lorne moaned.

"I like Faith’s idea," Connor said.

"You join them in the B&B," Lindsey said. "Or there’ll be no hot water for me and I’m the one paying for the place. Hot water seems to be in short supply in all hotels, I swear."

"Not a problem if we share," Faith said.

"I like that idea even better." Connor grinned widely. That was not a good look for my son, lending a maniacal air.

"No," I said.

"Not a chance, kid," Lindsey said at the same time.

"Connor, you and I will use the RV. Faith can share Lindsey’s shower and the others have the B&B. We’ll all meet back at Deadwood Dick’s when we’re done," I said.

"Agreed," Wes said.

Connor stomped off toward the RV. I didn’t know which I preferred the near catatonic fugue or the typical teen aged snit. I caught up with him. Finally he looked at me, a sulky pout on his lips.

"What did Faith mean about possibilities?" he asked.

"Nothing you need to know about until you’re older," I replied.

He shot me a suspicious look "It’s fun, isn’t it?"

"Yes," I said without hesitation, thinking about how women tasted; bad move.

"What if I want to know?"

"Someday you will but not today." I pointed at his face. "You might want to think about shaving that off."

"It hurts when I do."

"All part of being a man," I replied and he rolled his eyes.

Once we got back, he showered first, taking much longer than normal. He was doubtlessly draining the hot water out of spite for not getting to shower with Faith. Fine, let him. It didn’t really matter much to me. Let him get it out of his system. I was content with the fact that he had been well enough to fight as good as he did. I was still afraid seeing that slain family would severely set back his recovery but he seemed like he was doing okay.

Unlike my son, I showered quickly and we headed to Dick’s. Faith was actually down in the casino portion, her dark hair damp and clean. Connor floated over to her watching her plug in quarters. She looked up at us.

"This thing hates me."

"Unwinding I see," I said. "Not that I blame you. Lindsey down here?"

"Nah, he’s still showering. No sharing...safer that way." She grinned and looked around. I did as well trying to see what she was looking for. When she handed Connor some tokens I realized she was making sure no one was around to see it since he wasn’t old enough to be pumping money into a machine. "Put them in the slot," she demanded.

"Why?"

"Because if you don’t, you don’t get the goodies," she said. "That goes for more than slot machines."

I glowered at her but she ignored me as Connor put the money in the machine and followed her instructions on making the wheels spin. He leaped away as three diamonds lined up and the machine’s sirens and lights went off.

"Did I break it?"

"No and don’t say you put the money in," I said.

"Why?"

"Because then they won’t give Faith the five hundred dollars you just won," I replied.

"He’s lucky," Faith said. "Gotta keep him around."

The casino workers were still paying off Faith when Fred, Wes and Lorne showed up.

"You won, sweetie," Lorne said.

"Big bucks." Faith grinned even though relatively speaking it wasn’t a big win.

Still she headed back to Lindsey’s five hundred dollars richer, the disgusting battle forgotten at least for a moment. Lindsey let us back in. Faith divided up her winnings and gave some to Connor. He looked at the money in surprise.

"Why?" he asked.

"You put the winning quarters in," she said "And if you’re nice, you might get a bigger reward."

"I’m nice," he said.

"Faith." I wagged a finger at her. She did not need to be encouraging Connor. "Thanks for giving him that. Connor, you know what that is, right?"

"It’s the stuff Fred and Cordy were always saying we don’t have enough of."

"Exactly. So we’ll put this away some place safe for you," I said.

"You don’t know what money is?" Faith asked shocked. "Where were you getting your clothes and food?"

"He gave me these." Connor pulled at his shirt. "The others I just took."

"We don’t need to know from where," I broke in, "Especially not in front of the lawyer."

"Hey, that hurts," Lindsey said.

"I got food out of the big metal boxes where people threw it and ate the animals that were there for the food," Connor said. "Until Cordelia freaked out about it."

"Is he talking dumpsters and rats, Angel-cakes?" Lorne asked.

"I don’t....these boxes were in alleys behind restaurants?" I asked and Connor nodded. God, what had I done to him? I never even thought about the fact my child wouldn’t know what money was or stores or restaurants. I guess I had assumed Fred and Gunn had taught him.

"You fed Queen C rats?" Faith snickered, clamping a hand over her mouth. "Sorry."

"Okay, enough about that," I said. "Wolfram and Hart knows we’re here and they’ll soon find out we beat them again. We need to leave but I’m not ready to act on Lindsey’s advice of going back and taking the fight to them. We never questioned how Wolfram and Hart rebuilt so fast. We need to know more about their resources. Wes, do you think Giles and what’s left of the Council can help us with that?"

"It won’t hurt to ask."

"And Lindsey," I started to say.

"I’ll tell you what I can but stuff only I’d know...I’m sorry Angel. I got away. I’m not ready to let them know it’s worth their time to kill me before I tell anyone else," he said quickly and unapologetically.

"Fair enough. I’m not asking you to sign your own death certificate." I sat on the couch. "I’m tired of running into battle blind. We never have enough time to do the research right and we win, if we even do, by the skin of our teeth. Not this time. We’re going to do this right. We’re going to keep moving and we’re going to plan. Is everyone on board with that?" I looked up at my friends and we were all in agreement. "Good, then once Lindsey gives us what he can we need to move on."

Lindsey did just that as Wes and Fred took meticulous notes. As we were leaving, he took me aside and said, "I won’t be going with you."

"No, I didn’t expect you would. Keep safe," I said.

"I will. Angel." Lindsey paused, his blue eyes going thoughtful. "Do you think, once it’s over, you..." He looked away, struggling with whatever it was.

"Yes?"

"Can you bring Connor by Oklahoma? I’d like to see him again. I think Darla might...I don’t know."

I was shocked and at the same time not. He was looking for that connection to Darla. I wasn’t sure it was healthy but I know how it was. I did the same with Buffy. I still waited for news from her every time we contacted them in Cleveland. I waited impatiently to hear about Cordelia’s progress. "I think we might be able to do that."

Lindsey smiled faintly. "Thanks." He walked me to the door and looked out in the hall and said, "Connor, the next time you talk to your mom, tell her hello for me."

"I will," Connor said.

"Thanks for your help, Lindsey and you have our cellular numbers," I said. "If you get into trouble, call us."

"Yeah, I’ll do that." Lindsey snorted. "You and your kid define the phrase mad, bad and dangerous to know." The smirk he shot me showed that not all of the devil had been excised from Lindsey.

"Look who’s talking," I shot back and he laughed.

"Sorry I couldn’t help more. The best I can tell you is at least you’re not legally bound to Wolfram and Hart," he said.

"You did more than that, more than you had to so thanks," I said again and we headed back for RV. I would have liked to pull up stakes immediately but we were all tired. It could wait until morning.


	7. Chapter 7

_"Yet if you should forget me for a while  
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:  
For if the darkness and corruption leave  
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,  
Better by far you should forget and smile  
Than that you should remember and be sad."  
_ Remember - Christina Rossetti

  
"I think you need your head examined," Faith said, looking up at the moon. The night was sweltering but we kept the campfire going to keep the mosquitoes down. They didn’t bother me, of course other than the nerve plucking buzzing, but everyone was getting sucked dry. I was jealous of the mindless creatures. Pig’s blood couldn’t compare to the rich bouquet of human blood. My fangs ached in their sockets.

"This is a good hiding place. You can go back in the air conditioning," I said, pointing to the RV. We had driven for four straight days practically non-stop over two thousand miles to the Florida Everglades.

"That’s because sane people don’t camp in a swamp in the height of summer," she shot back, sitting in the foldable camp chairs we had bought.

"I didn’t know it could be this hot," Connor said.

He sprawled on top of the picnic table, stripped to his shorts. Faith was in her bra and underpants. I had argued against it until she showed me the swimsuit alternative she had gotten when we stopped briefly in Georgia to get Connor clothes that fit him. The bra and knickers covered far more than that electric blue bikini. She reeked of bug spray and the air was ripe with the scent of citronella, Tiki lamps filled with the stuff surrounded the encampment. We exuded tackiness, especially since Lorne had bought pink flamingo lights to add to our touristy cover.

"It’s hot and I’m bored," Faith groused.

"We can go in and watch a DVD," Connor said.

We had stopped in Nebraska and traded the big RV for two smaller more modern ones because it looked like our run was going to be even more prolonged. All six of us in one RV was wearing on everyone’s nerves and if we needed to split up now we could. Faith, Connor and I shared one. I should have switched Faith for Fred, given how blatantly Connor was flirting with Faith.

Each day since we left South Dakota Connor got a little better. We could all see it now. He spent less time withdrawn and motionless. Granted, he could watch amazing amounts of television totally motionless but he’d talk to us if we spoke to him. Anything we wanted him to do without a fuss all we had to do was ask through Faith.

But switching places wasn’t possible. Fred seemed to want to stay with Wes. Connor still didn’t like Lorne and I didn’t want him alone with Wes and Fred. I had this need to hold Connor close. Still, I didn’t want Faith and Connor alone in the RV. A horny teenager and a bohemian girl didn’t need to be alone together even though Faith seemed to consider Connor off limits; maybe due to his age, or his current mental instability or that he was my son. But I didn’t trust this to last.

"I’m sick of being cooped up. One more minute in there and I’ll kill someone," Faith said, getting up, going to the cooler full of beer we had gotten before coming into the Glades.

"We went hiking today. That was interesting," Connor said then added for my benefit. "We saw alligators."

"It’s a swamp. Wes and Fred were fascinated. I’ve got a sweat rash on my ass," Faith grumbled and Connor, of course, had to glance that way. Was I that embarrassing to my father at that age? Yes, I probably was. "Want a beer?"

"No," I said sharply. "And neither do I."

"Why aren’t I allowed to do fun things?" Connor groused.

"You’re too young for beer." Could my tone be any more like my own Father’s?

"What did you do when you were my age?" He rolled on the table to look at me. "I bet you drank and had girlfriends."

Yes, there were times Connor made me long for those days of total silence. "Those were very different times back then," I said. "My father was very disappointed in me because I was a bad son."

Connor’s brow lifted. "Are you disappointed in me?"

I got up from the camp chair and went over to him. I brushed his hair back and he wormed away. I didn’t blame him. What teen was comfortable with a doting parent? "The only thing I’m disappointed in was missing your whole life. But that wasn’t your fault."

His sun burnt face went contemplative. "Why was your father disappointed in you?"

I didn’t want him to learn about that but I had promised to be honest with him about my past. "I was lazy. I wouldn’t work. All I did was waste your grandfather’s money on women and wine."

"See?" His eyes filled with accusations. "Fun stuff."

"And all those women and alcohol got me killed in an alley," I said, sternly. The last thing any of us needed was for Connor to take after me in that respect.

"Is that how it happened?" Faith asked, collapsing back in the camp chair running the beer bottle along her neck.

"Who did it?" Connor asked.

"It’s part of that long story I promised you but I don’t think it’s time for it yet," I hedged. "I guess it was an easier death than syphilis which was probably where I was headed or being knifed by an irate husband or father."

"Who?" Connor persisted. "Was it Mom?"

I took a step towards the fire. "Why did you say that?"

He sat up, lifting his hair off the back of his sweaty neck. "Dunno."

I debated telling him the truth. Could he handle it? "Yes, it was."

"She made you a vampire." He shifted, his shorts nearly sliding off his perspiration-slick body. He had no hips to hold them on. Maybe Lindsey was right, I should be concerned at how thin Connor was. "Were you together a long time?"

"Over a century," I said. "And I will tell you about this when we don’t have Wolfram and Hart hanging over our heads."

"Will that ever happen?" he asked.

"Uh, probably not," Faith put in unhelpfully as the other RV door opened.

Fred bounced out with a bag of marshmallows in one hand and chocolate in the other. Lorne followed with tin foil and graham crackers. Wes trailed after them, pausing to grab a beer.

"We’re making s’mores," Fred announced gaily.

"What’s a s’more?" Connor asked, scratching at the sad patch of fuzz between his pecs that passed as chest hair. Was I this androgynous at his age? I doubted it.

"You’ll love it." Fred ruffled his hair. The next stop we make I’m going to insist on a hair cut for him. He was starting to have the same bad hairdo I had in the 70's.

"Want some help?" Faith asked.

"It’s everyone for themselves, except Connor. I’ll show him how," Fred said.

As Fred started putting graham crackers in a boat of tin foil, Faith got some thin branches, sharpening them into stakes. Okay, marshmallow stakes but still, Slayers with sharp sticks made me nervous.

"Here, Connor, like this." Faith stabbed some marshmallow and handed one stick to Connor. She put her stick in the fire.

"Now what?" he demanded.

"Cook that puppy."

Connor plunged his into the flames while I wondered what a s’more might taste like. I could try one but the flavors would be so muted it would be a waste. Connor brought the stick up sharply, the marshmallow a ball of fire on the end.

"Is it supposed to do that?" He shoved the stick at Faith who jumped back.

"You’re too impatient," Fred said, putting the tin foil boats on the rock of the fire ring. "You’re supposed to cook it slowly, get it all golden."

"Some people like them crispy," Faith said, her marshmallow also ablaze.

Fred helped Connor construct the s’mores while Lorne launched into some campfire songs; hardly the way to be inconspicuous but I understood the need for release. Wes sat next to me in Faith’s abandoned chair.

"We haven’t seen any signs of Wolfram and Hart since we left Missouri. Is it too much to hope they realize we’re going to be difficult and expensive to catch?"

"Way too much to hope for," I replied.

He smiled bitterly. "I know. At least Lindsey’s information is proving useful. Combined with what Giles’ people are uncovering we should be able to cut off their reinforcements. Willow hopes to have the law offices blue prints and security systems hacked into soon."

"She’s good at that," I said, remembering how many times Willow’s computer skill had come to Buffy’s rescue.

"And that’s a good thing. We’re all getting weary of this running." There was a hint of caution in his voice. Wes didn’t want to sound like he was laying blame.

"I know, Wes. I offered you all the chance to go your own ways. It’s me and Connor they want most of all."

"True and the point we argued last time hasn’t changed, we’re a team. We’re not abandoning anyone." Wes took a swig of his beer. "And if Wolfram and Hart are after us all, we stand a better chance together than apart."

"I appreciate it, Wes," I said then looked over at the campfire hearing Connor laugh. It was such a strange sound, so foreign for him. I saw he had dribbled melted chocolate onto his chin and Faith was cleaning it up with a finger. I guess I should be glad she didn’t use her tongue. Of course, her popping her finger into her mouth, sucking it clean wasn’t helping. I noticed; Wes noticed and Connor most definitely noticed. Wonder what the chances of getting him to trade those flimsy shorts for something more concealing were?

"Connor seems to be making amazing progress in these last few days," Wes said.

"Seeing Darla helped break him out of it." I stretched my legs out in front of me, trying to relax. "I think she gives him a sense of family."

"But it’s a delusion," Wes said, setting his empty beer bottle aside.

"No, Wes. I’ve seen her twice."

One of his eyebrows stabbed upwards. "Interesting. Well, hopefully this will continue with less little..bumps along the way."

"Is that your way of saying Connor’s prone to brattish outburst?" I smiled.

"He’s a teenager. I’d be worried if he wasn’t a brat."

"Point taken. Connor, how do you like that, s’more?" I called.

He beamed widely with that weird smile again, his eyes dancing. "I could eat these every day."

"Chocolate solves all sorts of problems," Fred assured him. "Want us to make you one, Lorne?"

"Sure sweets."

As she started it someone screamed. We all looked around trying to orientate on the noise. More screams followed. These weren’t screams of kids at play like we heard earlier. The winds shifted as Wes and Faith ran for the RV’s and the weapons caches. A terrible stench came with the winds.

"The giants again?" Connor asked. "No. Smells different." He snagged an axe out of the trunk Faith dragged out and raced off barefoot.

"Connor, not alone " I bellowed and he didn’t listen. "Damn it "

Faith showed the same restraint. I looked at the remains of my team as we armed ourselves. "You and me, Wes," I said. "Lorne, Fred, you’re back up."

No one argued which surprised me on some level. Connor and Faith had caught up to the reeking creature. What few other campers were here had already dispersed far and wide. There only seemed to be one creature. The stink was so bad Wes and Fred’s eyes were watering. The creature reminded me of those weird amalgam creatures the Greeks dreamed up. Its body was long and seemed more at home on all fours but it could go up on its hind legs as it proved, taking a swipe at Faith. She seemed off her game, her eyes tearing from the reek.

Its gray body was hairless and sleek, probably good for going through the swamp. Connor tried to attack it from the back only to be knocked off his feet by the thing’s horse-like tail. The creature’s wolfish head swiveled after my son but Faith shot at it with her crossbow. She missed her target as a new player slammed into her.

"Play fair, Faith," Gunn said, smashing a fist into her face, taking her off her feet.

"Damn it," I cried. I didn’t want to have to face Gunn down again. "Wes, help Connor. Gunn’s mine."

Wes took a bead on the creature with his crossbow while Connor tried to wrest it off him by its long, rabbit-like ears. The arrow tore along its side.

Gunn stepped on Faith’s throat as he came after me. "Happy for a rematch," he said. His punch to my jaw was solid but so was mine.

I shook off the blow, seeing my son back on his feet, giving the monster a kick. Gunn glanced back, his lips skinning back from his new fangs.

"Damn. Long Ears wasn’t for the unnatural little terror. It was for Faith."

"Sorry to disappoint," she said, taking Gunn’s legs out from under him. He should have realized it would take more than what he gave her to keep her down.

"Wes, keep away from that thing. If it was meant to kill Faith..." I yelled before Gunn scrambled to his feet, catching Faith’s punch.

He flipped her over his shoulder straight into me. We both crashed to the ground. Gunn raised his clawed hand to tear out Faith’s throat but a crossbow bolt sprouted in his thigh. He staggered back, cursing. His head snapped around, his eyes flashing greenish-gold like a cat’s in moonlight. Gunn growled at Fred who held our last crossbow.

"You’re going to be sorry, bitch." He started for her.

"I already am," Fred said, fumbling to reload the bow.

While Wes took another shot at the monster, Faith and I untangled ourselves and went after Gunn. I dragged him away from Fred and Faith kicked the bolt deeper into Gunn’s thigh. He howled and slashed her with his claws. Hearing Faith grunt, I knew he had scored a hit. I spun him as he dug into his pocket, to get a clear shot to the throat to drop him. His hand came up with a plastic gun in it. I started at the bright blue thing for a moment. It was ludicrous, a toy in battle then just as he pulled the trigger I knew what it was.

The first blast of holy water struck me square in the face, blinding me. I turned, tossing my arms over my face as Gunn unloaded the entire squirt gun on me. I heard the thunk of a crossbow bolt but no cries of pain. Fred must have missed. Where the hell was Lorne?

"Come on, Long Ears. Time to book," Gunn said.

I felt hands on me but I couldn’t scent who it was over the stench of the monster and the smell of my burnt flesh. Blisters were popping up all over my face and hands as I yelled for someone to go after Gunn. I thought Lorne answered he was.

"Angel, are you okay?" Fred asked.

"I’ll be fine. Check Faith," I said. "Is Gunn getting away?"

"He’s too fast for any of us," Wes said.

"Angel " Lorne’s voice was sharp, frightened. "Get over here if you can."

"This is not good," Wes cried.

"What is it? I can’t see," I said. Someone took my hand. By the strength she pulled me along with, the scent of blood overriding everything else, it had to be Faith. "Faith, are you all right?" I rubbed my watery eyes, feeling the blisters on my lids bursting.

"Better shape than you."

"What’s happening?"

"Connor’s down," she said, no nonsense.

I felt my dead heart fall to my feet. I tried not to let it show as Faith led me to where my son was lying on the sand. I could hear him panting and my vision was beginning to clear just enough for me to see a blob writhing on the ground.

"Tell me what’s going on," I demanded, trying to find my way to the ground without falling on him.

"I saw him collapse. He staggered a bit and went down," Lorne said.

"I don’t smell blood," I said. "Connor, what happened?"

"I...feel...so cold."

"Did it bite you? Scratch you?" My mind screamed, ‘poison.’

"No...why...what’s happening to me?"

I couldn’t see his face but I heard his fear. I felt for him, latching onto a shoulder. His bare skin was incredibly hot under my palm. "He’s fevered."

"Let’s get home to the RV," Wes said. "I can’t examine him here in the dark."

"Can you carry him back, Wes?" I asked. "Faith and I are hurt."

"We’ll take care of him, Angel-cakes," Lorne said.

Faith dragged me back to the RV. Fred was there already with the first aid kit.

"How bad are you hurt, Faith?" Fred asked.

"Got it in the gut but I don’t think it’s too bad," Faith said. "Angel’s face and hands are a mess."

"I’ll heal," I mumbled. "Take care of Faith."

"Tilt your head back, Angel," Fred insisted and I obeyed. Cool water ran across my eyes. "I don’t know if that will help but if there’s any holy water still there this might dilute it."

My vision cleared a bit "Thank you."

Fred nodded and tore open a packet, removing the large square of gauze and squirted it with antibiotic ointment. She pressed it to Faith’s belly. "Hold this," Fred ordered and while Faith complied, she taped it in place. "I had to shoot Charles," she said in a quiet tone.

"I’m sorry, Fred. I know that wasn’t easy but you saved, Faith," I replied, not very helpfully. I couldn’t concentrate on her pain, or Faith’s or even my own, not until I knew what was wrong with Connor.

"I don’t understand how he can be doing this." Fred’s voice cracked.

"Ain’t him," Faith said. "Wolfram and Hart fucked with him."

Before I could interject something, the RV door banged open. Lorne and Wes carried Connor in. His pale skin was red and blotchy all over his body. He was shaking uncontrollably. They put him in his bed. I sat on the edge on it.

"So cold," he mumbled again and I wadded the covers around him, wincing as my blistered hands cracked and oozed. "What’s wrong with me?" His blue eyes were wide, fear whirling in them.

I had to stop myself from smoothing his hair with my gory hand. "I don’t know, son." I looked over my shoulder at my friends. "Wes, could that thing have been poisonous?"

"I don’t know. This doesn’t look like poison." Wes fumbled in the first aid kit and came up with a thermometer. "Connor, I’m going to put this under your tongue. Leave it there." He turned to Fred. "Gunn called that thing Long Ears. Can you and Lorne start the research while I look over Connor?"

"Of course." Lorne put a hand on Fred’s slim shoulder. "Come on, hun."

They went back to the other RV where the books were. The thermometer beeped and Wes eased it from Connor’s mouth. He scowled reading it.

"A hundred and two."

"That...bad?" Connor asked, shivering.

"You have a high fever." Wes shook his head. "This doesn’t look like any poison I know."

"Kinda looks like he has the flu," Faith said.

"Flu?" Connor asked, reaching for my hand but stopped, his eyes widening a bit seeing my bubbled, red flesh.

"Faith means you’re sick," I said.

He shook his head. "Never been sick."

Wes took the covers down a bit, making Connor lie flat. Wes examined what looked like hives, no more like welts, that covered Connor’s chest. "Do you feel sick to your stomach, Connor?"

"Feel very weak...cold, itchy."

Wes’ fingers went to Connor’s neck, probing. "His lymph nodes feel swollen...I guess. I’m not a doctor but I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t be able to find them so easily. Maybe that thing infected him."

"I’ve seen that before. A mystical Chumash warrior gave Xander syphilis and small pox and some other diseases that developed quickly," I said.

"Xander had syphilis?" Faith asked worriedly.

"Just for a day. Could that be what that thing does? Infects people?" I demanded to know.

"I have no idea, Angel. But we have places to look. We’ll start by cross-referencing Florida and the name Long Ears. In the mean time, keep him warm and give him some aspirin to take his fever down," Wes said. "Faith, could you please bandage Angel’s hands for him?"

"No prob."

Wes left and Faith got Connor the aspirin. He was too weak to even sit up and take them. I held him up and she held the water glass. I eased him back onto the bed while Faith got the gauze for my hands.

"I’m scared, Dad."

I barely heard that whisper. "It’ll be okay, Connor," I lied. Somehow, I knew this was going to get a lot worse before it got better.


	8. Chapter 8

_"Daddy, I'm so afraid  
How would I go on, with you gone that way?  
Don't wanna cry anymoreSo may I stay with you?  
  
And he said,  
That's my job, that's what I do  
Everything I do is because of you  
To keep you safe with me ...  
That's my job, you see."  
_ That’s My Job- Conway Twitty

I sat with Connor all night, reading through a thin tome of Floridian myth. They didn’t seem to have much in the way of imagination, not like others I’ve seen. It was probably the heat, which saps everything. I taped the window up with cardboard and moved my shade curtain to Connor’s berth so I could stay with him in the day. I wasn’t sure if he knew I was there. He slept deeply, almost bordering comatose. I tried to wake him when he started having nightmares a few hours back but I couldn’t.

The curtain rustled and Faith stood there, a glass in hand. "Fred said we should try to get some water into him."

"Maybe you shouldn’t get near him, Faith, until we know if this is contagious or not," I said, setting my book aside.

"Slayers don’t get sick easily," she retorted.

I nodded and touched Connor’s shoulder. He was still feverish. "Connor, son, wake up." He didn’t respond so I shook him, calling his name louder. "Faith, get me some more aspirin. He’s burning up," I added as his eyes fluttered open. Their blue seemed dull, the skin around his eyes dark and puffy. He moaned in protest at being awakened, his lips dry and cracked. "I know you don’t feel good, Connor but I need you to take some medicine."

He said something in a language I didn’t know as I lifted him up, propping him against my body.

"What’s that?" Faith asked.

"I don’t know. Probably a demon language from Quor-Toth," I said as Connor faded. I gently shook him. "Stay with me, Connor. Try to swallow these pills."

"Yes, Father," he muttered.

Faith pushed the gel caps into his mouth and tipped the water glass up. His throat worked feebly but he didn’t take much water.

"Drink more, son," I demanded and he did. I petted his hair, damp with sweat. "Do you need anything, Connor? Do you need...." My eyes flicked towards Faith, feeling a bit embarrassed. "Uh, to use the bathroom?"

His headshake was barely perceptible. "No." He sighed heavily. "Father, the Skee-bils...they’re trying to get me...too weak to fight them."

"You’re safe now, Connor," I said, feeling the knife twist in my gut. I wasn’t the man he thought I was. "The Skee-bils are gone."

He trembled. "I’m sorry I couldn’t fight them, Father. Don’t be angry. Don’t leave me alone again, Father."

"I won’t go anywhere. I’m here to keep you safe," I said, feeling anger raging like a river through me. He was talking to Holtz and obviously, that bastard was in the habit of punishing my son by abandoning him to the horrors of that terrible place.

Connor sighed contentedly, putting his arms around me. He rested his head against my chest. I tucked my chin down against his soft hair. "You’re so cold, Father."

"I’m not cold, Connor. You have a fever," I replied, stroking his back. My hands were still tender and pink with healing flesh but they made his skin seem even more pale by comparison. We had left Connor stripped to his shorts, even once packing ice in around him trying to break his fever without much luck.

"Since when does he call you Father?" Faith asked, sitting at the kitchen table a few feet away.

"He doesn’t. He’s talking to Holtz." I felt tears pricking at my eyes. Ghosts of them stood in Faith’s dark orbs.

"I’m so sorry, Angel."

"It’s all right. He’s delusional. I guess, it’s not a surprise to hear him call out for the man who raised him." It might not shock me but it hurt like someone had slit open my gut and packed it with crosses. Connor was already asleep against me, his fists wadded in my shirt. I kissed his hot forehead and laid him down.

"Where are the others?" I asked. "Have they found anything?

"Fred and Lorne are in Miami getting the reinforcements Wes called in." Faith stretched.

I sat up, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. "What?"

"You were asleep and we didn’t want to disturb you," Faith said. "You needed a little...peace. Wes knows what did this and he’s got help coming. I’ll go get him. He can explain better."

I watched Faith go. I leaned close to my son’s ear and whispered. "You hang on, son. It’s going to be okay."

At the sound of my voice he murmured, burrowing into the bedding. It had to be all right. I couldn’t lose him now. There was only so much a man could take. I’m not sure I could live through losing him again.

Wes had a thick book in hand when Faith brought him back. She pulled the shades near the table so I’d have enough shadows to get from the bed to there so we could sit and talk.

"Faith said you’ve got a handle on this," I said, sneaking over.

Wes opened the book and there was the creature looking up at me in ink form. "Gunn shouldn’t have called it by name if he didn’t want us to find it. Long Ears is what the Colonists called this creature. It occasionally plagued the Seminoles but more often just kept to itself. Its proper name is Hvcko Capko."

I held up a hand. "Don’t care, Wes. What did it do to my son and how do I help him?"

"That I still don’t know." Wes looked honestly regretful. "It does infect people. Whether it’s a mystical infection or a medical one, I can’t find anything on point."

"Should we be getting him to a hospital?" I asked.

"I considered that but Connor’s blood....it might be best if it didn’t go under a microscope unless we have no choice. We don’t know if it would be normal or not," Wes said, templing his fingers. "I see no other special considerations for the Hvcko Capko. They normally aren’t predatory, stay to the swamps. From what little I can glean from the legends, we should be able to kill it without a lot of magic."

"Just hit it from a distance," Faith put in, an anticipatory gleam in her eyes.

Wes nodded. "Exactly. Vampires tend to be immune to infections, being that you’re dead. When Gunn leads that thing back here, you’ll have to do the close in work, Angel."

"I’m surprised he hasn’t brought it back already. I’m helpless at this time of day," I said.

"We messed Gunn up good. He might need time to heal," Faith added.

"And since all the attacks have been at night, instead of when you’re vulnerable, it’s possible that the changes in Gunn have left him sun sensitive," Wes said.

"Or the critters Wolfram and Hart are using are," Faith said.

"What kind of reinforcements have you sent for?" I asked.

"They should be here soon. With the speed at which Connor took sick, I believe this has more to do with the mystical aspects so I’ve contacted some experts in the area," Wes replied.

An unexpected smile tugged at my lips. "Willow and Giles."

"Yes, Willow certainly has the power and Rupert the knowledge."

"Buffy couldn’t come," Faith said with an apologetic look. "Something about a Lake Erie lake monster."

I nodded. Before I could reply, the sounds of flesh hitting metal caught our attention. I glanced over to see Connor thrashing in his bed uncontrollably. "My God " I nearly fried myself in my reckless dash back to his berth. I tried to capture his flailing hands. "Wes "

"Just make sure he doesn’t hurt himself. He’s having a seizure," Wes said.

"I know that. Why?" I snarled.

"He’s too hot," Faith said. "Happened to a girl in the next cell when I was inside. She was trying to prove she was too tough to need a doctor."

"It’s a febrile convulsion," Wes said, putting the proper terms to it like that helped anything.

All I knew was my child was cooking from the inside. I knew this could only be damaging his brain. He was so strong I could barely restrain him. Finally the seizure passed. Faith handed me a paper towel and I wiped away the foam that dribbled past his lips. I pulled him to me, whispering, "Why did you have to charge in like that, Connor?" I knew the answer. He was just like me. Act first, think second. I lifted my head hearing a vehicle approach. "I think reinforcements have arrived." I laid Connor back down.

His breathing sounded wet and labored. I knew that sound. So many people died from it when I was growing up; damp lung, pneumonia, whatever it was, it was a sound not easily forgotten. I felt an inexplicable sense of relief as Giles and Willow walked into the RV. Their addition to the team meant some of the very best were here to help my son. I wished Buffy could have come with the others, even if this wasn’t her forte. I needed support and the two women I had so often looked to for it for the better part of a decade weren’t here.

"Giles, Willow, it’s good to see you," I said then my eyes strayed to the door as a woman I didn’t know came in. She was older, over sixty, short, round, tanned. Her thick black hair, heavily peppered with grey, was pulled into a bun. Her dark eyes held a jovial glint. Fred and Lorne were behind her.

"Angel, this is Josephine Billie. Her family has been following the Seminole healing ways for generations," Giles said as Willow bounced over, probably to greet me but pulled up short seeing Connor. "She’s been an affiliate of the Council most of her life."

"Pleased to meet you, ma’am," I said. "Do you think you can help him?"

"I’ll try," she said, coming over to us. Her voice had a singsong nature that at any other time I would have found delightful.

She came over, putting her gnarled, wrinkled hands on Connor. I could feel power radiating from her. Her face went grave. "The disease has almost run its course," she said. "I’m amazed at his strength."

"He’s dying, isn’t he?" I couldn’t keep my voice from shaking.

"It’s not too late. I’ll need cypress, bittersweet, Eucalyptus, garlic, willow, plantain, tobacco, nettle, oak, olive, life-everlasting and hemp," she rattled off. "And some hair from the Coo-wah cho-bee, the panther."

"I can take you wherever you need to go to get all of that, " Lorne said, putting a hand on her arm.

"Ms. Billie, is there anything I can do until you get back?" Willow asked.

"You could try to slow the progression of the disease," Josephine said and headed out with Lorne. Fred went to go with them but Lorne motioned her to stay.

"I’m not so sure you should be touching him, Willow," I said before she could move. I should have warned the healer off, too. "He could be infectious."

"I’m not worried," Willow said, sweeping her flaming hair out of her eyes. "According to Josephine you can only be infected directly by Long Ears." She sat on the bed beside me and Connor, taking his hand. "There’s so much magic woven around him." Willow’s face pinched. "I’ve never felt anything like this tapestry. Giles, come here and examine this."

Giles did so, his fingers tweaking the air over my son like he was playing a harp. "Quite remarkable. I can see why Wolfram and Hart might want him. Do you need help with the spell, Willow?"

She shook her head. I got up and slunk over to the table more cautiously than I left it. Faith moved so Giles could join Wes and me.

"Can I get you anything Mr. Giles? Willow?" Fred asked.

Willow gave Fred a peculiar look, one of mistrust and embarrassment. I wondered about it. What had happened between them while I was Angelus? "I’m fine, thanks."

"I wouldn’t mind a little water," Giles said. "Wolfram and Hart seem to be rather careless in their attempts to regain this boy."

"The monster was meant for Faith," Wes said. "Connor engaged it in close quarters while Faith attempted to subdue our former colleague."

"Yes, we’ve been investigating what you’ve related about what happened to him," Giles said. "It may be reversible."

"Once, Xander started turning into a hyena because of an animal possession ritual," Willow offered. "We’re hoping it’s like that."

"Hyena?" Faith couldn’t help but sound like one herself for a moment. She clamped a hand over her mouth, looking embarrassed.

"Any help I can be, tell me," Fred said, handing Giles the water. "I need Charles back."

"We could always use some help with the research," Willow said with a raised eyebrow that seemed to say she couldn’t imagine Fred with Gunn. "Angel, who is this kid?"

Her sparkling eyes fixed on me and for a moment all I could think was that she had grown from a mousy girl into a stunningly beautiful young woman. And I had missed that transformation, just as I had missed so much of all the lives of the people important to me. I decided I had to be honest with them. They had come all this way in less than a day, ready to join in the fight just for my sake. I didn’t have the right to keep from the truth from them. They were putting too much effort into helping me and I think maybe I had learned my lesson about trying to shoulder all the weight alone.

"He’s my son," I said softly. Giles’ blue eyes met mine, a field of astonishment growing in them. Willow’s mouth flopped open. "I know, it’s impossible. Trust me, it’s not. The magic you’re sensing is what Wolfram and Hart wove around him." I launched into the short version of Connor’s history.

Giles got up afterwards and went back over to my son. He gently brushed Connor’s hair off his forehead. "It’s incredible, Angel. I can understand why you didn’t want to complicate things in L.A. by telling me. I don’t know what I would have done."

"And you said I knew him?" Willow’s bright eyes bored into me just as they had through the whole speech.

"Yes. I don’t know what you thought of him because I was Angelus at the time and you know all about that." I went over to them. Faith, Wes and Fred, giving us a little time alone, had retired to the other RV some time during my explanation.

"He doesn’t look much like you," Willow said. "No offense."

"It’s been pointed out to me," I said wryly. "I can’t tell you how much it means to me, your help. I can’t lose him now. We’ve been through too much."

"We’re going to save the day," Willow told me without a doubt in her eyes. "We’ve done it so many times before."

I smiled wanly. "Thanks, Willow." I sat next to my son, hating that it was day and I was trapped in the RV with my thoughts. I needed to take my mind off Connor’s imminent death. "How is Cordelia? Have you learned anything more?"

"She has active brain waves, as I told you when we last spoke," Giles said. "We suspect this coma has more to do with the mystical than the physical." He shoved up his glasses. "Only we don’t know what to do about it. From your own account of what Skip told you, this could be permanent."

I grimaced. "Skip was a liar. I know it’ll take time, Giles. And I appreciate what you’re doing for her."

"She was part of our family, too," Giles said. "Anything we can do to help."

I nodded. "It’ll be a while before they return with all that stuff the healer needed, a while yet before nightfall, so feel free to use either of the beds. You could probably use some rest."

Giles sighed. "That would be nice. I have a lot of memorizing phonetic Seminole for the ritual as well."

"What about you, Angel?" Willow asked.

"I’m going to stay with Connor. If...I don’t want him to die alone," I said realistically, painfully afraid that if I didn’t stay with him every moment he’d slip away from me for good.

This time Willow did hug me. "It’ll be all right."

I didn’t answer her. They took the offered beds. I propped myself up on the wall that passed as a headboard and started my vigil. I had fallen asleep, in spite of myself. Willow’s voice startled me awake. The sun wasn’t quite down. I could still feel it. Connor was so still that I panicked. I touched his arm. It was still extremely warm and a good listen did nothing to alleviate my fear. His lungs and heart were struggling.

"Angel, Josephine’s got the medicinal elixir cooking. She and Giles will be working the spell," Willow said.

"You won’t be helping?" That came out more snappish than I wanted it to.

Willow’s feathery eyebrows raised. "Well, I did memorize the Seminole phrasing just in case but I’ll be helping you and the others if this creature comes back."

I shook my head, looking at her and Giles who was at the table with Wes. "I can handle that creature. It can’t infect me. My son needs your strength, Willow. His heart...I can hear it fluttering. It’s not beating right any more. He’s dying."

Willow’s lower lip quivered. Her pretty eyes misted. She knew too well what it was like to lose someone close to her. "I’ll talk to Josephine to be sure I won’t throw off the harmonics."

She went out the door. Wes went to the fridge and tossed a blood packet into the microwave.

"I’m not hungry, Wes."

"I know but you need your strength...Connor will need you to be strong," Wes replied.

I crawled out of bed. The movement didn’t make Connor stir. I joined Giles at the table.

"If we get lucky, we can finish the ritual before the creature returns," Giles said. "Or do you plan on going to it?"

"If I knew where it was, yes," I said, taking the cup of blood from Wes. "But thrashing around in the swamp at night is dangerous. None of us are swamp rats. Faith and I can handle ourselves but I don’t want Fred, Wes or Lorne to lose a leg to an alligator. Or we could misstep and drown."

"The mangroves are nigh impassable," Wes put in. "I’ve never seen anything like them. The foliage is remarkably dense, hiding all sorts of dangers." Wes drummed his fingers on the table. "Of course, after last night, most of this encampment has been vacated so we have less to fear about endangering innocents."

Hearing something, I turned my head. Connor was almost awake, mumbling something nonsensical in a mix of English and demon tongue.

"Fever dreams?" Giles asked.

"Nightmares. He was back in Quor-Toth the last time," I replied. "He thought I was Holtz. I don’t know...these could be his usual dreams and I wouldn’t even know it."

"That’s not your fault, Angel," Wes said. It was true but it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

"The sun’s down," I said, going to my son. I sat with him again. "It’s okay, Connor. You’re safe." I gathered him up, holding him gently against my chest. He murmured, his eyes closed. Suddenly, Connor choked then nothing, no sounds of breathing. His heart churned but his breathing was gone. "He’s not breathing " I cried.

Giles all but flew across the RV and took Connor’s hand. He chanted something quickly. Connor gasped and his breathing started again. Something rattled in his chest, wet and full.

"He’s not going to make it," I said, tears rolling down my face. I couldn’t stop them and I didn’t care.

"I’ll go check on their progress." Wes hurried outside.

I tucked Connor against me, burying my face in his damp hair. It smelled oily. My tears clung to his locks like dew. Giles’ hand closed over my shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

"We’re not letting him go without a fight," he said. "That spell I just did should make it easier for him to breathe but it won’t last long."

I looked up at him. "The worst part is, Giles, is that I’m thinking if we can’t save him, he’ll finally be at peace. I don’t think he’s ever had that."

"You can show him other kinds of peace later," Giles said with subtle optimism.

"I’m not good at being peaceful," I admitted as Wes came back in with Willow.

"We’re ready, Angel," she said. "Josephine said three is a good number for her healing ceremony."

I wiped my face. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Bring him outside," Willow said. "You can help anchor him."

I gathered Connor up and Wes pulled the top sheet off the bed. Josephine had all the camp chairs moved from around the fire. She bent over next to it, stirring something in a large clay pot on the fire ring. She had changed her outfit. Her ankle length skirt seemed too bright and cheery for this night, a wild array of colors playing on the fabric. Her shirt, nearly sky blue, was trimmed with fields of white bearing large diamonds with yellow X’s in them. The points of the diamonds were red and black. I couldn’t count the glass bead necklaces around her thick, crepey neck and the bun of steely hair had been transformed into a rolled crown across the top of her head. She could have stepped off a postcard from a hundred years ago.

Fred and Faith stood with her, baskets of herbs in their hands. Lorne was next to the picnic table. I could see the shapes of the weaponry hidden under the red and white plastic tablecloth.

"Lay the blanket here." Josephine indicated the area cleared by the fire, perfumed with eucalyptus and pine. It sputtered and snapped brightly from the resinous wood.

Wes spread the sheet and I went to put Connor down but the old Seminole woman stopped me. "Not yet. Fred, Faith, you know what to do."

The ladies spread the herbs all over the sheet. I sifted through the scents, detecting all the herbs she had wanted, especially the eucalyptus and garlic.

"He stopped breathing for a few moments just a couple of minutes ago," I told Ms. Billie. "And his heart is weakening."

"Once we start, he should do better," she replied. "You may lay him down now."

I put him down and the bruised herbs offered up their delicate scents. Connor murmured some. Josephine knelt beside him and brushed an oil of some kind on his forehead and over his heart.

"Cypress for comfort," she said, getting to her feet again creakily. She glanced up at the sky. "And the wind to help cleanse." A strong breeze kicked up on command. Her gnarled hands took mine. "You kneel at his head and take his right hand for strength. Faith, kneel on his left and do the same." Josephine turned to my other friends. "You guard us."

"What if stinky returns?" Faith asked. "And Angel and I have to kick its ass but we aren’t done here?"

"Everyone but Willow, Giles and I can go," she replied. "Just don’t move us once we are in position."

"It won’t hurt Connor if I go?" I asked

"You’re providing strength but it’s just an added benefit. We won’t be hurt if you have to leave," the healer assured me.

Feeling heartened, I knelt with Connor, taking his clammy hand. Faith did likewise, Slayer strength in the offering. Faith was a friend, more than that in some ways but I couldn’t help but wish it were Buffy there holding his hand. For once in a very long time, Cordelia didn’t enter my thoughts. She had contributed too much to Connor’s pain for me to want her near him again no matter how concerned I was with her own well being.

Willow stood behind me and Faith while Giles took his place at Connor’s feet. They held their hands out towards each other. Josephine uttered something in Seminole and tossed a wad of golden fur into the clay bowl and another into the fire. The reek of burning hair made me wrinkle my nose. She took a colorful piece of cloth and removed the bowl from the fire ring. Its contents were amazingly aromatic.

She sat in the crook of Connor’s hip, such as it was, and began chanting in what I assumed was Seminole. Giles and Willow followed suit. They must have spent some time during the day memorizing the ritual. Scents of tobacco, eucalyptus and evergreens filled my nose as she dipped her hand into the herbal stew. Her chanting grew louder as she drizzled the warm elixir over Connor’s forehead. She repeated the phrases, letting the fluid spatter over his heart. She hiked his shorts down enough to pour more over his navel just at the line of his wiry hair. Josephine grabbed Faith’s hand and mine, the ones holding Connor’s hands. I could feel the power building, the pressure thudding inside my head. She moved to anoint his feet. Something coursed through me and into my son. From the startled expression on Faith’s face, I could tell something had happened to her, too. I chose to believe it was our strength being given to Connor who moaned a little.

As Josephine started again, following the exact pattern, my hand felt warm, almost hot. When she completed the cycle, Connor started to shake, gagging. The healer broke the connection to Faith, turning Connor onto his side as he vomited up this horrid viscous black foul-smelling fluid. It was blood and something I didn’t even want to think about. I shifted away from the growing puddle.

Josephine laid him back down and started the cycle all over. She was just starting to pour the fluid over his navel again when an offensive odor permeated the air, overriding the sweet herbs and the stink of vomit. Faith and I exchanged glances. We knew that scent.

We peeled away from my son and the ritual area. The Hvcko Capko had moved into the perimeter. We couldn’t let it interrupt Connor’s healing. Wes snatched the tablecloth off the weapons.

"Fred, Lorne, you two stay here and guard them. Wes, you and Faith work the long distance weapons and let me move in close," I said.

"I’ll handle Gunn if he shows back up," Faith said, taking both a crossbow and a dagger.

Fred swallowed hard. "Try...try not to kill him."

"That’s the general plan," Faith replied.

We headed into the wind, trying to find the monster. The smell said we were getting closer. The palmettos rustled and Long Ears burst out from the underbrush. Gunn leapt out of a strangler fig tree.

"Looking better," Faith said to him. Her voice was tight. I could see her worry over this battle. She didn’t want to kill Gunn but our last few fights had proved that excessive force would be needed to stop him. Faith didn’t want to go that hard. I didn’t blame her. She feared returning to her dark ways and Gunn had been someone she liked. Wes told me how tentative Faith had been after he helped bust her out of jail, even with demons. It reminded me of myself when I first teamed with Buffy; How mild I had been then, almost frightened to get involved. But I knew Faith would do all right.

Even as she moved toward Gunn, I heard the thwack of the crossbow. The monster keened as Wes scored a hit on its ribs. I listened as Gunn and Faith traded blows before I leapt at Long Ears with an axe. Even though it was highly doubtful that I could be infected, even mystically, I didn’t want to risk touching the creature.

Wes didn’t allow himself to be distracted by Gunn and Faith’s battle. Faith was doing a great job at keeping Gunn away from us. Thoughts of my son dying, my not knowing how the ritual was going, galvanized me against the creature that had put Connor into such jeopardy. Dodging the creature’s rapid-fire attacks with its short stout claws, I hacked at it. It tried to flee but it had no prayer of getting away from me. Its horrible cries ended abruptly as I whacked off its head. Its body quivered, taking a few headless steps then dissolved into gray ooze.

I didn’t have time to enjoy that bit of revenge. Faith cried out. I whirled to see her catch Gunn’s foot in the face, dropping her. He took that opportunity to attack Wes who didn’t have time to get his crossbow reloaded.

"Been waiting to do this, English." Gunn evaded Wes’ punch and flattened him. He landed on Wes’ chest. "You just couldn’t keep your hands off Fred."

I knew neither Faith nor I, no matter how fast we were, would be able to stop Gunn from tearing out Wes’ throat, not at such close range.

"Tenere gelu." Willow’s voice startled us all.

A golden light enveloped Gunn. He thrashed or at least I thought he wanted to but couldn’t. Willow had frozen him. She lifted her hand towards the stars and Gunn levitated. His eyes flickered around wildly, still that eerie cattish green-gold. His mouth seemed to be the only thing not frozen as he left fly with all sorts of obscenities.

Faith helped Wes up as it slowly filtered through to me that if Willow was here the ritual was over. Either my son was cured or dead.

Surprisingly, the first words out of my mouth were, "How long can you hold him, Willow?" I guessed I trusted her to tell me about my son once the danger was dealt with.

"I can hold him for a good long time," she said. "Fred’s bringing something that’ll help, which is of the good since my delicate ears don’t need to be hearing this kind of racket, Mister." Willow spun Gunn’s cocoon like a top until he was too queasy to keep up the verbal barrage.

I turned to Faith and Wes. "Are you two okay?"

"Five by five." Faith grinned with bloodied lips.

"Yes, quite." Wes shot her a wicked grin.

I spun back to Willow. "Willow?"

"He’s okay, Angel." Her lips pursed. "Well, not okay. He needs to recover his strength but the spell worked."

I couldn’t speak. Faith gave my arm a sisterly punch. Fred’s arrival spared me having to be able to form words. Fred had a syringe in hand. I was betting on the sedative we had used on Connor in the early days of our flight. Willow lowered the cocoon and Fred reached into it without a problem. She injected Gunn and it didn’t take long for him to go unconscious.

"What do we do with him now?" Faith asked, kicking the cocoon.

"I wonder if the Watchers would be willing to help with Gunn as well as Cordy," Wes said.

"I’m sure they would. They already know Giles and I have been looking into it," Willow said. "Want to move him back to camp for me, Angel? He’s getting heavy."

"Of course."

Willow ended the spell and I carried the unconscious man back. I knew I should have taken him into an RV but I dumped Gunn on the ground by one of them. I had to see for myself how my boy was.

"Wes, get the restraints we had for Connor and use them. Fred, we’re going to have to keep Gunn snowed under just like we did Connor," I said, hoping Wolfram and Hart didn’t have a direct contact magical or mental with Gunn otherwise keeping him was going to be very dangerous.

Wes went to get the restrains and I walked to the campfire. Connor had been moved to another sheet, a crown of cypress and oak bound by hemp and dotted with some kind of flower, maybe Life-Everlasting rested on his sweat-slicked head. A lime, like a fat, green egg, was clutched in his left hand. He seemed to be asleep.

I went to Josephine who sat in a camp chair, looking exhausted. "Willow said he’ll be okay."

"He is amazingly strong but he’s quite unique, isn’t he?" She smiled wearily at me.

"Very, I don’t know how to thank you, any of you," I said and Willow gave me another hug. Giles clapped a hand on my shoulder.

"Sit," the healer said and I complied. "My thanks would be if you could do things to restore the balance, to complete the circle. I know that sounds like new-age wannabe Indian tripe." She laughed softly. "But it does exist. The Creator has a proper place for all things and this boy is out of place."

"His birth..." No, I couldn’t tell her about that. "Where he grew up..." Or that.

She patted my hand. "I know what you are, Angel. I can only guess what he is but that is not what I mean. A healer can share her patient’s pain, know him intimately. This boy feels lost and afraid. I can see some things clearly and a word that shines like Hvresse." She stabbed a finger up at the moon. "Is family but what he wants, I fear he can not have. You must show this child his proper place. Not all families are Father, Mother and children. To steal from the Lakota, miya taku oyasin, all things are related. Family is what you make it and I see a strong family for him right here."

"He...doesn’t like me very much. He doesn’t listen to me. He was taught to hate and distrust anything I do or say." It hurt so much to say it. I wanted more than anything to give my son a family but now that this healer was demanding it all my great plans for helping my son melted like sugar in a storm. All I could see was my deficiencies. "I’m not sure I can do what you want."

"You give up too easily," she said sternly, wagging a twisted finger at me. "I know what happened in L.A as much as Rupert has been able to tell me. I know you were in the middle of it and that it prevented you from having time to make the proper ties that bind. This lack of balance made him ill here." She tapped her temple. "This hole in his soul made him do terrible things. I could see them inside him."

"I know. He told me he couldn’t feel anything," I said, bitterly. "That he was dead inside."

"And making someone live again in spite of themselves is very hard to do but not impossible." Her dark eyes fastened on me. "You are your own best example for that."

I thought of Buffy. She made me live again.

"If it helps, Angel, I can tell him about my own shitty family," Faith said. "I mean, it’s not a nice story but maybe it’ll help him understand that blood alone doesn’t make a family. You’re the closest thing I’ve ever had to a brother. And the Mayor, for better or worse, a father."

"Giles has been like a dad to me, Buffy, Xander and Dawn," Willow said and I saw the older man blush.

"Sometimes it takes years of hard work to find one’s proper place," Josephine said. "Families are like any relationship, if you don’t work on them a little each day, they crumble. You might think about ways to work on it."

I sighed, running my hands through my hair. "There’re so many people depending on me. The Powers that Be, constantly jerking me around. I know I can’t keep running. I have to deal with Wolfram and Hart eventually but does that leave me time to help him like he needs?"

"You think you’re the only parent who has felt like this?" Josephine asked.

Her whole countenance was harsh and I looked away. Why was I making excuses? She was telling me what I wanted to hear, go be the family Connor so desperately needed. It was hard work and hate it or not, I was good at avoiding emotional work. Angelus was better at it, more dedicated. He held a family together. For the first time ever, I needed to be a little more like my demon and less like my Liam’s Soul core. "I’m not sure a dead creature, souled or not, can be a proper father. I can’t breathe life into my son. That’s why I tried to put him with a real family."

"Magic, sometimes it’s good like the healing power of Panther. Other times, it’s just too easy, too tempting." Josephine tapped my hand. "Quick fixes lead to quick break downs. The best thing you can do is to remove the magic and let the family he had come back to him."

I shook my head. "The problem was ever since Holtz took him, we haven’t been a family. We tore ourselves into bits." I glanced at Lorne, Wes and Fred who shifted uneasily. Even memory altered, they felt the truth of that.

"And what happens when you build the rest of your lives on a lie?" Josephine looked up at the stars. "You wanted to thank me?"

"I do but I don’t know how to remove the spell," I said then went back to the decision I had made when I started this whole rescue. "Willow? Giles?"

"We can do it," Willow said without hesitation.

Giles nodded as he moved towards Connor. He stared at him then ran a finger through the air. "If we start pulling here, that should work."

I couldn’t see what they saw but the two of them worked the air, speaking in Greek. They sweated and trembled, already tired from the other ritual. I hadn’t meant for them to do it right away but it was too late to say stop. The chanting tapered off and I could tell from everyone’s faces it had worked. Wes slumped to the ground, nearly sitting on the restrained Gunn.

"Oh God, what did I do?" Wes cried.

"Angel, he tried to kill you," Fred said, putting her arms around the nearest person, Lorne, who for once, seemed stunned into silence.

"I do remember him...Angel, I didn’t tell anyone about him, not Giles, not Buffy," Willow said.

"And he didn’t beat me." Faith grinned. "I knew it."

Josephine looked at me. "Now your real work has begun."

I knew how right she was.


	9. Chapter 9

_"And he said, Let me tell you a secret about a father's love,  
A secret that my daddy said was just between us.  
He said, Daddies don't just love their children every now and then.  
It's a love without end, amen, it's a love without end, amen."_  
Love Without End, Amen - George Strait

  
"So what are you going to do with a son?"

I glanced over at Buffy with a smirk. "Isn’t that the big question?"

She had surprised me by showing up in Florida a week after Giles and Willow had left, taking Gunn and Fred with them back to Pittsburgh. My friends and I had stayed in the Everglades for a few days, letting Connor recover his strength which was slower than I would have guessed based on how quickly I’ve seen him heal before. He spent the time under the watchful eye of Josephine Billie and he seemed to enjoy her company.

Giles had convinced the Pittsburgh Watchers’ Council to imprison Gunn and were working on helping him. Fred had stayed on to help puzzle out a solution. Giles called me and said he was going to fly into Miami, too fascinated by the idea of living vampiric offspring to stay away. I suggested he change that to Orlando and we’d go north just in case Wolfram and Hart decided to make another attack on us.

A week had passed, attack free. Maybe the loss of Gunn proved to Wolfram and Hart continually sending out things to kill us was too costly. I was sure they hadn’t given up but they might be getting more cautious.

Giles had made arrangements to meet with us before we headed to California. He said he would come from Orlando to hook up with us away from the city just in case we were still actively being hunted. Wes chose the Ocala National Forest to hide in. It was less populated and it had springs so Faith could do a little of the swimming in the sun like she wanted. It wasn’t the beach but I felt that Connor and I could do without the bad memories that might stir up.

When Giles arrived in an RV, I was stunned to see the whole Scooby Gang had come with him. Buffy, Dawn, Xander and Willow, an unlikely bunch to be camping in the woods if ever I saw one. Willow was pouting about having to leave her new girlfriend behind to defend the Cleveland Hellmouth. Later, Faith confided to me her private feelings. To hear Faith call another woman a sexual predator was odd and the fact Kennedy managed to turn everyone against Buffy and throw her out of her own house was enough to make me want to forget I had a soul.

Buffy had been quiet for the first day, spending most of the time at Alexander Springs, relaxing in the sun. I didn’t push her. She needed time to herself after all she had been through. Giles and Willow had told everyone about Connor. I could only imagine what Buffy was thinking about that.

Today she joined me at the picnic table in the shade of the live oaks our RV’s were encamped by. For a long time, we sat in silence. One could almost hear us thinking. ‘So what are you going to do with a son?’ was the first thing she had said as we watched Dawn teaching Connor how to fly a kite in the open area beyond the isolated encampment. She was fighting with it, a butterfly with psychedelic coloring and a wingspan of seven feet. Some twenty feet of tail streamed behind it. Dawn leaned back hard, trying to keep it from crashing to ground. It was Monday and most of the other campers were long gone. Most of our friends were trying to start a campfire to make more s’mores and hamburgers in exactly that order.

"Were you ever going to tell me about him, Angel?" That sounded less like an accusation and more like weary acceptance.

"I was but there was never time." I held up my hand and her jaw clamped shut. A giggle from the clearing drew our attention. Faith and Dawn were busy trying to wrest the butterfly kite from Connor and were tickling him to accomplish that. I hadn’t even known he was ticklish. "That’s not an excuse, Buffy, just ugly reality. When he was a baby, I guarded Connor so jealously I wouldn’t even let my friends hold him. I wanted to tell you but I had no idea how to say it and I had to worry about Wolfram and Hart kidnapping him or Holtz killing him. Those fears took up every waking moment.

"I can’t imagine how you felt when Holtz did get him." Buffy took a swig of her IBC cream soda, looking uncomfortable.

"Thanks to Wes." I looked at the fire ring where Willow was shooing the men away from the wood, having failed to set it aflame. Willow did it with a quick word. Wes was avoiding me. He felt the guilt fresh and ugly now that the spell had reversed. He almost believed I had forgiven him. I nearly believed it myself. "And I got him back as an angry teenager but as I told Fred, I never truly got him back."

Buffy slipped out of her sandals, digging her big toe in the sugar sand. "Did he really try to kill you?"

"What he did was worse. He was out to punish me, believing beyond a doubt I deserved it." I gazed up into the sunset, a glorious splash of orange, pink and slate blue. Connor’s kite, well now Dawn’s, rose against it. "There are many who’d agree. I failed him so badly, Buffy. Why didn’t it occur to me that the streets of L.A. could be deadly to a boy?"

"Oh, let me think." She rolled her eyes at me. "Because he was out to murder you?"

I shook my head. "I should have done better. I knew Holtz had poisoned his mind but I was so caught up in having him back, pretending I could just step back into his life forgetting that to him nearly two decades had passed, that I didn’t hear what he was saying. Connor didn’t want me to even so much as say Holtz’s name. He wanted to be called Steven. And all I could do was tell him that Holtz wasn’t his father, that he was a bad man and insist on calling him Connor. I should have gone more slowly."

I scrubbed a hand through my hair. This was so hard, examining all my mistakes and confessing them. But Buffy was used to hearing me admit to my weaknesses. "Maybe then I could have seen how he was playing me. Maybe it wouldn’t have gotten to that stage. And later, after I threw him out like so much trash, I could have tried harder to reach him. Instead my friends nearly convinced me he was in league with the Beast, that he was a murderous monster. Then the thing with Cordelia and all that...I threw her out, too. If I hadn’t maybe there would have never been a Jasmine, Cordelia wouldn’t be comatose and Connor’s mind wouldn’t have snapped."

Buffy looked out to where he played with her sister, now back in control of the kite. "Is he sane now?"

I watched the kite snapping in the wind. "He’s recovering. He seems pretty calm. I think he likes Dawn."

"Yeah." I knew Buffy well enough to know that meant she was nervous. Her eyes went sad. "Did you love Cordy, Angel?

I got up and paced in the shadows of the oaks. I couldn’t be near Buffy when I was talking about this. "I care about Cordelia but I didn’t think of her as more than a sister until Fred and Lorne started with the hearts and flowers." I hung my head. "I don’t know what I was thinking. It’s not like the curse has gone any where."

"Yeah, about that." Buffy looked at me. Good Lord, she needed to eat something. I could barely see the girl I had fallen hopelessly in love with in the harsh tight lines of her too-thin face. She was old beyond her years. "How is it you didn’t lose your soul when it came to making him?" She stabbed a finger at Connor. Faith was now wrapped around his back, her hands over his on the kite strings.

I flashed a goofy, embarrassed grin, hunching my shoulders. "Turns out it’s happiness that triggers the curse, not sex. So long as I’m not completely happy, I can have sex."

"But you didn’t know that when you and Darla..." Buffy’s agate eyes were cold.

I turned away from her. "No, and yes, it’s what you think it was."

"Why were you trying to lose your soul?" Her words were like a threnody in my ears.

I leaned against a tree. "Wolfram and Hart, the firm that’s after my son, were determined to turn me back into Angelus and they almost won."

Putting her shoes back on, Buffy got up and joined me under the live oak. "Do you think that maybe your knowing what’s at risk if you’re happy would keep you from happiness?"

She sounded almost hopeful or was that my imagination? I couldn’t read her wan face. "Given the amount of worry I’ve got going on, I don’t see a lot of happy in my future," I said. "Not that I’m thinking that you..."

"I know," she said quickly, a hint of blush on her cheeks.

"I’ll be honest right now the only thing I’m thinking of is helping him." I gestured at Connor who was now up a tree trying to free the butterfly kite from where Dawn had sailed it. "I can’t let him lose his grip on his sanity. I want him to know what it means to have a family." I started pacing again. It was time to jump into the deep end. "I was thinking of doing something along those lines but I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea. It could be dangerous to those around us and it might be imposing. And I didn’t want you to think I hadn’t been listening to you when we last spoke. I know you wanted time alone, time for you to do your own thing. I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea."

Her eyes widened a bit as she matched my pacing. "You want to bring him to Cleveland."

I nodded. "The Hellmouth would be a good place to work out his aggressions. Dawn and some of your trainees are Connor’s age. This is the first time he’s ever been with someone his age. It’ll do him good but I wanted to talk to you and Giles and all the others before making a decision."

"I think...it wouldn’t be bad to have someone there for Dawn to hang with." Buffy cast a glance over at her sister. "She misses her friends and I think she feels left out when it comes to all the new Slayers. And I wouldn’t mind you being there." She added that last almost reluctantly, as if she didn’t trust herself or me.

"Thank you, Buffy," I said, halting under another oak.

"We’re going to be on vacation for a while longer, Angel. You don’t have to make a decision about it tonight."

I smiled, looking at her. Her eyes met mine and held. It felt like the night I gave her the amulet; it felt like old times. I could almost taste her. Her lips parted just a bit but before either of us could move a squirrel dropped an acorn square on my head. Buffy giggled then totally lost it. I started laughing, too. I went and sat back down.

"You have a good point, Buffy, about taking my time. I’m in no hurry. Connor seems to be enjoying Alexander Springs," I said, picking up a little tablet off the table, looking at the inscribed list.

Buffy looked at it, almost desperate to take her mind off what just nearly happened. "What’s that?"

"My list of things to talk to Connor about. There is just so much he doesn’t know. I don’t want to forget anything."

"He had a kid of his own already," she said, sounding slightly disappointed. "You might want to put talk about condoms on that list."

I flipped it so she could see the tablet and tapped the number one entry, ‘sex talk.’ "Way ahead of you but I think I’m probably the wrong person to do this talk."

"Good point." Buffy stabbed a finger Connor’s way as if to say, ‘you should have worn one yourself.’

I looked at her sourly as Giles came out of the RV, a Harp ale in hand. "I was thinking of asking Giles."

"Ask me what?" He turned around, walking over to us.

"To explain condoms to Connor," Buffy said for me.

Giles took a swig of beer. "I’ve managed to avoid having to have the bloody big talk with any of Buffy’s friends. I’m not going to start now. Some things a father has to do for himself."

"It’s just that I’m not sure...I, uh...know," I hedged, thankful I couldn’t blush.

"What’s to know?" Buffy asked.

"I...well, back when I was human they were made of sheep intestines and you had to use ribbons to tie them around..." I looked away shoving my hands in my pockets. "The modern ones, I’ve had no use for being a vampire."

"Guess you were wrong about that," Buffy said. "And I’m sure you’ll figure it out. It’s not rocket science."

"It’s a type of rocket science," Giles said, struggling against the grin that threatened to overtake his face. Buffy snickered.

"You two are no help, and you." I pointed at him. "Giles have been hanging out with Xander for too long."

"You might want to put ‘swim suits are a good thing’ on there." Buffy tapped the list.

"Are you referring to this morning?" I asked. They had planned to go to the spring to swim and for the first time, Connor felt well enough to go. "Because I think all the screaming drove the point home."

"I saw your son naked, Angel." Buffy shuddered. "We all did."

"Be thankful you didn’t decide to go down to the springs and use the change house," Giles said with a cheeky look.

"Dawn did not need to see that." Buffy pouted.

"She didn’t look disappointed," I said, regretting it even before Buffy slapped me playfully. "Fine, I’ll get him a swim suit. He didn’t know any better. I’m sure if he had to swim in Quor-Toth suits weren’t an issue. I mean, it does sound stupid, an outfit just to get wet in. The last time I went swimming, bathing suits weren’t even invented.

"Great, now I’m going to be picturing you skinny dipping," Buffy said then smiled. "But that’s not so bad."

"Speak for yourself," Giles said as Xander bellowed, ‘the s’mores are ready." "But I think Angel could be right, Dawn seems to like Connor."

"And he likes her but unfortunately it’s Faith that has him...uh, interested," I said.

Buffy snorted. "That sex talk better happen tonight."

"Very funny."

"I’d better go rescue Wesley from the Willow-Xander in-joke marathon that seems to be going on," Giles said, pointing to where Wes sat looking bored. Lorne was talking to him, too, but Wes didn’t appear overly interested.

"Oh, Giles, Angel has an idea he wants to talk to you about later, about maybe joining us in Cleveland for a little while."

"I thought it might be good for Connor," I put in.

Giles smiled. "I think there’s a lot we could offer your son."

"I haven’t mentioned it to Wes or Lorne yet," I said, thinking Giles would be a good stabilizing influence for Connor and I knew the man would enjoy more time studying my son.

"I’ll leave that to you," Giles said.

"Thanks. Just so you know, Wolfram and Hart most likely haven’t given up. We could be dangerous to you," I said.

Giles snorted. "You always have been but you’ve also been an invaluable help."

"Mad, bad and dangerous to know," I muttered.

Giles smiled. "I never thought to apply Lady Caroline Lamb’s words to you but it fits," he said then headed back to the campfire.

"Huh?" Buffy wrinkled her nose at me.

"Lamb described Lord Byron that way." I replied, thinking of some Byronic poetry I wouldn’t mind sharing with Buffy. Neither she nor Cordy were the poetry type but it was always easier to sit Buffy down and have her listen to a reading. Cordy never could sit silently. "Someone recently said the same of me and Connor."

She shrugged. "Giles is kinda right about it fitting."

"I know. Buffy, are you sure you’re okay with this?" I asked. "I’ve caused enough pain to everyone involved already. I don’t want to cause you any more."

"Angel, I’m a big girl. You have to let me make my own decisions for once," she said and it hurt because she was right. There was so much fire in her eyes I couldn’t meet them. "I said it was okay. I want you to be able to be a good father. I had a lousy one. I know how bad it can be. I...I don’t want to think what Dawn and I might be like if not for Giles."

Buffy’s eyes went sad. I knew she had loved her dad but he had simply given up on his family. I couldn’t understand that. How could he never show up, not even after Joyce died? I would do anything for my son.

She took a deep breath. "Xander messed up his own wedding because he was so afraid of turning out a violent drunk like his dad and now Anya’s dead and he can’t ever make it up to her."

"Thank you, Buffy. I can’t tell you what it means." I sighed. "I’ve been such a lousy father so far."

"I don’t believe that." Her voice was like a whip and I winced.

I fought back tears. "It’s true. And if I wasn’t screwing up enough on my own, Connor had to meet Angelus. I left it up to him to kill Angelus if something went wrong. I shouldn’t have done that. He didn’t need to be in that position."

"But he didn’t do it."

"He held back or was held back by a spell, by Faith. I don’t want to think about it. You have no idea the things I said to him as Angelus."

"That wasn’t your fault, Angel." She took my hand. Her’s was so warm.

"Doesn’t matter. How is he supposed to forget I told him that his own mother and the man he called father killed themselves just to get away from him," I said bitterly and her face lost what little color it had. "I mocked him, told him quote ‘the first woman you ever boned was the closest thing you’ve ever had to a mother.’ No wonder Cordelia managed to convince him I was out to kill him and their child. How does he get past that?" My body trembled with rage and self-loathing. Buffy squeezed my hand.

"He will," she said. "I got over the terrible things Angelus did to me. Giles, well maybe has never really forgiven you for killing Jenny, but he was able to work with you. I know that’s not exactly the same, but if you give Connor time, it might be okay."

I shook my head. "You have no idea what he said to me. There is a darkness in him, Buffy. I won’t lie to you about that. He reminds me a lot of Faith. That’s why I wanted help in trying to nurture him or he’ll wind up just like her. I can feel it."

She leaned her head on my shoulder. Those old time feelings flooded back to me. "What did he say to you?"

"He told me that Angelus was his real father and I know he believes that. He’s not entirely wrong. I was trying to become Angelus when he was conceived." I sighed, shaking a bit "But I can’t blame all our problems on me letting the others talk me into becoming Angelus."

"Willow said it was a spell."

"They found a way to induce perfect happiness in a dream state," I said and her eyes canted up at me quizzically. I shouldn’t tell her. I should just keep my mouth shut but I didn’t. "I dreamt that Cordelia told Connor she loved me and he accepted it. He and I had made up, acted like a real team and then I got to love Cordelia." Buffy stiffened a bit against me. "But it wasn’t her that sent me over the edge. It was you, thoughts of you, crying out your name...and I only wished I didn’t remember the rest."

Buffy sat up straight. We looked at each other. Was she going to act as badly as I had when I learned about Spike? A strange expression fluttered across her face, peaceful and hopeful."You still have a chance to make it right for him."

I shut my eyes, thankful for having avoided yet another confrontation. "I hope so. He blamed me, Buffy, standing there ready to kill himself and a room full of people. He said I didn’t hang onto him. He believed I tried to love him but it wasn’t enough. ‘You let him get me.’ I felt like dying myself hearing that. You can’t imagine that much pain, his, mine. I watched him crumble and there was nothing I could do."

"Second chances, Angel. We only get them once," she said. "Don’t give up yet." She kissed me chastely, dangerously, then got up. "S’mores sound like a good idea."

I just nodded. To continue on like this would just hurt too much so I was glad to let it go. This was a vacation. I should simply let it be just that. A loud squeal of laughter brought my gaze to the campfire. Dawn and Faith were ganging up on Connor. "What are they doing to him?"

"Looks like smearing s’mores all over his face to me." Buffy headed that way. "It’s dark."

And so it was. I followed her over and extricated my son from the girls. He had a dark smear of chocolate on his cheek. His blue eyes were trouble-free. Had I ever seen that before? "What happened?"

"He’s being a boy," Faith said as if that explained anything. Well, it probably did.

"I have marshmallow in my hair," he said, holding up a matted lock as evidence.

"So I see. You have to keep in mind, Connor, girls don’t fight fair," I said and Buffy pinched my side. I squirmed away. "See?"

Dawn wiped her sticky hands with a paper towel. "Go put the kite away. It’s getting too dark."

He wrinkled his nose. "Too bad."

"Hey, no problem." Willow gestured and several foxfires attached themselves to trees. If anyone looked, they’d probably mistake it for camp lighting. The clearing glowed a bluish-white.

"So are we just going to hang out in a swamp all the time or are we gonna do something fun?" Xander asked.

"It’s a forest," Giles and Wes said together. Xander rolled his eyes.

"Fun like what?" I asked.

"We’re in Florida. I’m thinking Disney World," Xander replied, sitting heavily in one of the camp chairs.

"Ooo, I wanna do that," Dawn said, with a little bounce.

"What’s Disneyland?" Connor asked.

"You don’t know what Disney is?" Dawn looked like she thought that was impossible.

Connor shook his head.

"It’s an amusement park, you know. It has rides," she said.

His brow beetled. "I don’t understand."

"Come on," Xander said. "Roller coasters, thrill rides, water flumes, you get the picture."

Connor’s nose wrinkled. "I don’t know what you’re talking about."

Buffy took my arm. "Angel, your boy is obviously fun-deprived. You have to take him to Disneyland."

"I have to what?" I stared at her.

"And us, too," she added with a grin. "And to Universal."

I scowled at her. "And this will cost me what?"

"Are you putting a price tag on quality time with your son?" Buffy tapped her foot. Her tone was light but not her expression.

"And you can come with us once it gets dark," Willow said.

"I was thinking of something more educational, like St. Augustine," I said. "Oldest city in America. I heard the fort was interesting."

"No one wants to see an old fort, Angel-Cakes," Lorne said.

"I do," Willow said. "History is cool. We could always do Disney then go to St. Augustine."

"Very well," I relented, glad that I had that store of Wolfram and Hart money.

"Bet both him and Connor scream like sissy-girls on the Roller coasters." Faith grinned.

I ignored her and the rest of the banter about the theme parks. Connor didn’t seem to understand what Xander and Dawn were trying to tell him about the rides. It served to illustrate just how little my son knew about this world. I felt even worse about abandoning him in it. I should have kept him close, despite what he had done, if for no other reason than to ‘keep your enemies closer.’ As they chattered gaily about what else this vacation could hold for them, I started down the dark road to my past, my mistakes bright as neon. I touched the cool fabric of the kite. Kites were such ancient toys. "I used to love playing with a kite with my baby sister," I said, suddenly overwhelmed by that memory.

Connor picked up the butterfly and handed it to me. "Go ahead. Fly it."

I took it out to the clearing and he followed me. I stared at the kite, trying to dredge up the early joy of more innocent times. I ran and it went up into the night sky, its bright colors muted in the foxfire light. It soared high and all I had to do was just tweak the strings to keep it up there. Its long tail spiraled around. Connor stopped at my side and I looked at him. He was smiling, heedless of the marshmallow in his hair and the chocolate war paint on his face. I could almost feel his happiness spilling over into me.

"You like them, don’t you?" I asked and he looked back at the campfire.

"They’re nice."

"They’re a family," I said and his eyes met mine almost challengingly. "They were friends first, but it grew into something much more. I was thinking, if you wanted to, we could go live with them for a while."

He seemed surprised. "We’re not going back home?"

"Home is where you make it, Connor. We can go back to Los Angeles if you want. I will have to go back someday. Wolfram and Hart can’t go unchallenged but I thought, if it was all right with you, we could go with Dawn and Buffy and the others."

He looked up at the kite and nodded. "I’d like that."

"Good." I reached out and brushed his hair our of his eyes. Connor squirmed. "It might get a little crazy there. Cleveland is on a Hellmouth."

He shrugged. "Raised in hell. Nothing I can’t handle."

I almost said I was sorry for that but I remember how upset that had made him in the past. "I know you can handle yourself. I’m not so sure you can handle living surrounded by a gang of young women...I’m not sure I can."

He smiled wildly as a breeze picked up carrying the crisp scent of pine. "Could be fun though."

"Uh-huh." Oh yes, I definitely needed to talk to the boy. The wind caught the kite and I had to jog a little closer to the tree line to get it flying right. Connor moved with me.

We both stopped dead, seeing a familiar figure there in the trees. Darla looked out at us, a soft smile on her face. I could smell her perfume on the breeze. I put a hand on Connor’s shoulder, seeing him shiver. She just waved, blew a kiss to her son and faded away. He looked up at me and I gave his shoulder a squeeze.

"It’ll be all right, Connor."

He nodded. "It’s not really goodbye for her, and I know she’ll come talk with me sometime. She’s going to stay with me "

"Always." I handed him the kite’s string.

Things felt oddly at peace. Darla knew her son was being cared for. We weren’t a family yet but we were trying. I wasn’t foolish enough to think this was the end. Wolfram and Hart had yet to be dealt with. Cordelia and Gunn still needed to be saved but this was a turning point. I could feel it. I had been given another second chance. I hadn’t wasted my first one when I was returned from Hell and I wasn’t going to waste this one. I put my hand over Connor’s on the reel of string and wished those problems to fly away with the kite. I knew it wasn’t that easy but watching the butterfly fluttering against the night sky, I knew we were finally on the right path.

 

THE END

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AUTHOR’S NOTE  
> All the places mentioned on A.I.’s journey are real. I’ve been to  
> all of them but Clancy. They are all uniquely beautiful. Take an  
> online journey with these links.  
> [Clancy, Montana](http://www.visitmt.com/categories/City.asp?City=Clancy&;SiteID=1)  
> [Deadwood South Dakota](http://www.deadwood.org/home.htm)  
> [Deadwood Dick’s](http://www.deadwooddicks.com/lodging.html)  
> [The Everglades](http://www.florida-everglades.com/hiscul.htm)  
> [Alexander Springs](http://ohioheritage.tripod.com/JuniperSprings0697/id21.html)  
> And to see the medicine beadwork described on Ms. Billie’s outfit  
> and to learn more about their culture head to one of the [Seminoles’ official site](http://www.seminoletribe.com/culture/index.shtml)
> 
> Written for Evil_little_dog in the Angel Book of Days Summer Challenge. Prompt: Angel, Kite-flying Two restrictions ~ No slash, no C/A
> 
> THANK YOU to my two beta’s Yseult and Christine. I ran out of time to impliment all the polish I wanted to, but never fear it shall be done.
> 
> All monsters in this fic are drawn from legend. I didn’t invent them or any of the ways to defeat them. I did invent the Seminole ceremony used here, but only because the book on the subject didn’t get here in time. Pout.


End file.
